helter-skelter

this has been a rather helter-skelter semester.  it wasn't supposed to be.  (sidenote: i almost wrote "wuddint" instead of wasn't.  like i'm gangster.  why do i have this irrepressible urge to talk like that ALL THE TIME lately.)  anyways, back to me and my semester.  (laughing to myself)

it was supposed to be a smooth sailing one.  only taking one class, only teaching one class.  i was going to prepare my thesis and otherwise conquer the world.

then i got the photography job.  and then i got the TA job in london.  and then i decided to backpack europe in june.  and suddenly my life got crazzy!  (two z's intended.  repressed the desire to write "currrrrazy.")  often i wondered if i was just faking being busy, and often i felt that really i prolly (not even gonna try to repress that one) could have accomplished a lot more.  it's all resulted in me feeling pretty inadequate all semester.  i mean, what have i even been accomplishing?  what is my purpose?  i'm getting nowhere!

today i had to write the email to my professor--the one i want to work with on my thesis.  the one who i want to be when i grow up.  you know.  i had to sheepishly admit that i've not gotten anywhere on said thesis, and that i'm being whisked away to london (fistpump) and can't talk to her about the project till fall.

here's what she replied:

That’s fine, Carolyn – you’ve been involved in a variety of good things that will pay off in the long run, so I’m not worried about your thesis just yet.  Let’s plan to meet in late August and set up some timelines.

Have a great time in London!

....

(sigh) and suddenly my semester feels a whole lot less meaningless.  i've sure been trying to be involved in a variety of good things!  my fingers are crossed that somehow they will pay off in the long run!  sometimes my blinders get a lil crooked though and all i want is immediate rewards and all i fear is that i'm wasting my days.  patience, little girl, patience.