Tuesday, April 19, 2011


this has been a rather helter-skelter semester.  it wasn't supposed to be.  (sidenote: i almost wrote "wuddint" instead of wasn't.  like i'm gangster.  why do i have this irrepressible urge to talk like that ALL THE TIME lately.)  anyways, back to me and my semester.  (laughing to myself)

it was supposed to be a smooth sailing one.  only taking one class, only teaching one class.  i was going to prepare my thesis and otherwise conquer the world.

then i got the photography job.  and then i got the TA job in london.  and then i decided to backpack europe in june.  and suddenly my life got crazzy!  (two z's intended.  repressed the desire to write "currrrrazy.")  often i wondered if i was just faking being busy, and often i felt that really i prolly (not even gonna try to repress that one) could have accomplished a lot more.  it's all resulted in me feeling pretty inadequate all semester.  i mean, what have i even been accomplishing?  what is my purpose?  i'm getting nowhere!

today i had to write the email to my professor--the one i want to work with on my thesis.  the one who i want to be when i grow up.  you know.  i had to sheepishly admit that i've not gotten anywhere on said thesis, and that i'm being whisked away to london (fistpump) and can't talk to her about the project till fall.

here's what she replied:

That’s fine, Carolyn – you’ve been involved in a variety of good things that will pay off in the long run, so I’m not worried about your thesis just yet.  Let’s plan to meet in late August and set up some timelines.

Have a great time in London!


(sigh) and suddenly my semester feels a whole lot less meaningless.  i've sure been trying to be involved in a variety of good things!  my fingers are crossed that somehow they will pay off in the long run!  sometimes my blinders get a lil crooked though and all i want is immediate rewards and all i fear is that i'm wasting my days.  patience, little girl, patience.

1 comment:

  1. Carolyn,
    I read your blog as a faithful friend. Loving your eloquent, artistic style of writing and secretly wishing I had fulfilled my career ambitions. I had to comment this time cause I'm feeling the exact same way in a different part of the country! I know I'm headed in the right direction. I feel like I have only taken 2 baby steps in the right direction over the last year (normal people would have run a marathon my now). I act busy doing nothing and some how feel rewarded thinking about future plans (which haven't even come to pass!) Some day I'll be able to look back and realize that I WAS running a marathon. Hopefully. Just in unexpected areas that weren't prioritized on nicole's to-do lists. Although I lack in the feeling of accomplishment, I still feel rewarded day to day. Maybe that is my promised constant companion that knows how to comfort me! I wouldn't change anything, I wouldn't take anything away and I would never change my direction. So for now I guess my lesson to learn is patients and appreciation.
    I'm so excited for your future plans! Be safe though!