Hebrews 10:31-39. It says, "It is a fearful thing to fall
into the hands of the living God... But we are not of them that draw back into
perdition, but of them that believe to the saving of the soul." It is terrifying
to fall into the hands of God: we are confronted with our own inadequacy and
with our own powerlessness to change a single h air on our head. Then we
realize that if we let go and give in to Him and let Him do things with us ,
that we'll turn into huge, brilliant, magnificent creatures. The terrifying
part is that we realize what that will entail--it will mean always loving,
always being outside our comfort zone, always being bigger than the miserly
smallness inside of us that prefers a dim and quiet corner to be left alone in.
It means we have to do things we don't want to do. It means we have to stand on
the cliff of all our deepest fears and confront the dragon of the devils we
love inside of us. And when we come upon this moment, we have two options: to
give ourselves over to this "living God" and live by faith, or to
draw back, into the comfortable shadows of mediocrity. The latter is perdition,
ruin, and destruction. The former is life eternal. And the difference is
believing not just "in" the saving of the soul, but "to"
the saving of the soul. Cast not away therefore your confidence!
I get eaten alive by mosquitoes every night. Not kidding. At
first I thought they were bedbugs. I'm pretty sure they are mosquitoes now
though. Which is a relief. But still.
I ate my first kebab this week. it was delicious and i woke
up feeling not too sick the next morning. this is probably because we bought
the ritzier kebabs. we heard anything under 6 euros is too sketchy to eat.
thank goodness the elders are experts in the kebab field and can give us advice
like how much money to spend on kebabs to ensure their sanitariness.
We're off to Switzerland tonight for a week of exchanges!
I LOVE THE CITY. I love it so
much. There are people EVERYWHERE, which means we are constantly talking to people.
We had a bazillion miracles too this week because we're constantly talking to
people. The pace is fast and we're right in the center of everything, and I
love that. There are 8 missionaries in our ward. EIGHT! I've spent the last
four months out in the boonies with my one companion and not another missionary
for literally hours. So I've having a mot of fun here with all the different
people there are to talk to and the huge mix of cultures and experiences and so
This is to say nothing of the
smell of the metro. The smell of the metro is one of my favorite smells in the
world. It's D.C. and London and curry and sweat and people and hot brakes on
hot tracks and I love it. Every time I walk into the metro I tell Soeur
Bicchierri how much I love the smell. Every time she tells me I'm weird.
My job right now is called sister training leader. Here's an example of what
that means: my second night, after we taught a lesson, I got to spend an hour
calling around to the sisters in our area and talking to them, getting to know
them, encouraging them, loving them, and so on. In other words, my job here is
to hold hands that hang down and help us all be a little happier. Amawing how
uplifting others uplifts you too. We go on exchanges about every other day. Sometimes
the sisters come to stay with us, and sometimes we go to their villes. (We even
get to go into Switzerland this transfer! This is the only time on my mission
I'll get to go to Switzerland!). We spend 24 hours with each sister in our area
(22 total). And our sole purpose these 24 hours is to uplift them, encourage
them, help them, love them, and teach them how to teach and how to contact and
whatever else they want help with. I love this job so so much. The first three
days I woke up smiling I was so happy.
Now let's talk about my
companion, Soeur Bicchierri. I have never had so much fun before. We laugh ALL.
THE. TIME. We do really funny stuff contacting, and we always get people to
laugh. She told me that when we're on exchanges with the sisters this transfer
that's something we have to do--help them see how fun contacting can be, so
they aren't so stressed out about it.
Also, she speaks a bazillion
languages. Contacting with her is like contacting with James Bond. We contact
someone who speaks German, so suddenly starts speaking fluent German with them.
We contact someone who speaks Spanish. Fluent Spanish. She's also done this in
English, Italian, Mongolian, Portugese, and a little Chinese. It's crazy. And
she can get any person to smile in under 3 seconds. It's incredible, I've never
seen anything like it. I'm learning a ton from her about loving people and
making them smile and helping uplift their spirits and then immediately
connecting that joy they feel to Jesus Christ. It's wonderful.
And yeah we laugh all the time.
People are just so funny, they say funny things and they do funny things to try
to get away from us. We were walking really fast alongside a moving sidewalk in
the metro the other day and we start talking to a man who was standing on the
moving sidewalk. He was just standing there, listening to his ipod or
something, and as soon as we started talking to him, he started dodging in and
out of people on the moving sidewalk trying to get away. People are scared.
People are scared of the soul-searching questions we ask them. But we can
usually get them to smile fast, and then they tell us some of the most
For instance: we were in the
apartment ALL DAY on Saturday trying to get things in order for all the
exchanges and so forth we'll be doing this transfer. Around 5 we got super stir
crazy and realized we needed to get OUT of the apartment and do some good
missionary work. We planned to pass by Yasmine, one of our amis. We called her
to see if we could, and she said no, it wasn't a good time. So we decided
instead to pass by one of the referrals we'd received. But then we couldn't
find the paper we'd written the referral's address on. So then we decided to
pass by the other referral instead because I had that address handy, but then
we couldn't find the KEYS. So after 10 minutes of trying to find them, we
realize maybe there's something else we're supposed to be doing. So we go into
our room and pray, and the only thought we have is to go to the office (which
is literally across the sidewalk from our apartment). We'd only be gone for a
few minutes so we wouldn't need the keys. On the way out, I grab a bag of
cookies we'd just made, thinking maybe there was someone Heavenly Father was
going to put in our path, since none of our other ideas seemed to be right. So
we leave the apartment to go to the office. As soon as we leave the apartment,
I see a woman with grocery bags at the other end of the block, so we run down
to help her. It was interesting because I don't even know what possessed me to
do that. I could have just as easily not gone back to help her. It wasn't
really a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. It was the same when I
gave that pass-along card to Bruno. I don't remember deciding to do that. It
just kind of happened. Anyways, we walk up to her and she says, "No no,
I'm not interested." And then my companion says, "Actually, we would
like to give you some cookies. We just made them. Will you accept them?"
And she softened up and smiled and laughed a little, because the whole
situation was so weird--these two girls, one American, one Italian offering her
So we ask her what she feels
about Jesus Christ. She explains that she believes in him and is Evangelist.
After that she seemed like it was finished, she really wasn't interested beyond
that and maybe wanted us to leave her alone. But I felt like I should ask her
if she was satisfied with her relationship with Jesus Christ. And oh wow, then
the floodgates opened! She told us all about how she used to be Catholic, and how
she believes there is a God, that she was with him before this life, and that
He has a plan for her life, and that every day she prays that He will show her
more of this plan. She used those very words. My companion and I looked at each
other like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" So then right there we taught her
by the Spirit. It was such a neat experience--we really felt like every
sentence we said and every question we asked was being led exactly by the
Spirit. We taught her about the Restoration, and she took a Book of Mormon and
30 minutes later she asking us when we can meet with her. !!! That was the
reason we couldn't find the keys and the addresses and so on! I am learning
more and more everyday what it means to be led by the Spirit. It isn't this
strong feeling to do certain things. It's mostly just happy little ideas that
come to you, and the trick is to not squash them out by your rational, miserly
mind that is lazy and looks for reasons not to do happy little things. And it
is miraculous to see what happens when you trust in those happy little ideas,
and then leave the rest to Heavenly Father. The other day we were waiting for
the metro, and I thought, "Hey, just ask that guy if he wants to
learn." So I did (after telling the little miserly voice that was telling
me it wasn't worth it to hushhush), and guess what! He said no, he didn't want
to learn anything about Jesus Christ! So I said, "Okay" and smiled
and then me and my companion stood there waiting for the metro and happily
planning a lesson. And I was watching him and he kept looking over at us,
looking at our tags, and finally he said, "Okay actually, I have a
question. I believe in Jesus Christ, but how can I know him more? How is that
possible?" We smiled. YES. The promise Elder Richards of the 70 left with
us when he came a couple of transfers ago was that we needed to teach simply,
then let them process the information, and then they will ask US a question!
And that's what happened. So we explained the Restoration to him, and then we
felt like we should invite him to church with us, and he said yes, he would
really love to, and that he's been looking for a church to go to that wasn't
corrupted by the ideas of men. I love seeing that change--from them thinking
we're weird strangers to them recognizing us as representatives of Jesus
And I'm learning more and more every day just how much power
this "setting apart" actually holds. It's incredible.
And definitely there are still loads of people who don't
want to hear about it just yet. My favorite funny contact of today for example
was just a couple of hours ago, I explained to a man we're here to talk about
Jesus Christ and he said, "That's great, but not with me." Ha. People
are just really funny.
Also. Last night, we were on our way home from church, and I
tried to ask a guy if he wanted to learn more about Jesus Christ, but he walked
away before I could finish asking: "Bonjour! Do you want to learn...
more..." Gone. Soeur Bicchierri thought this was hilarious. "Sister!
Did you just ask him if he wanted to learn more?! Learn more about what?? That
makes no sense!" So then the next two contacts we started by saying,
"Bonjour! Do you want to learn more?" The first lady was like,
"No thank you." (Soeur Bicchierri was like, "What? She doesn't
want to learn more?! She already knows everything? Who are these people!"
and then we laughed some more.) But then the next couple we asked looked
blankly at us for a while then said, "...about what?" We smiled and
said about Jesus Christ, because we are his representatives! They said no, ca
va, they already believed in Christ. My companion showed them a Book of Mormon
and explained that it testified of Jesus Christ. The woman said, "Oh yes,
I've read it already." We weren't sure what exactly that meant--if she
read it and didn't believe it or what. So we asked how she felt about it. She
said, "I loved it. I read it a long time ago, but i really loved it. It
touched me deeply." She was smiling really big and her face was glowing.
So we explained that in the Book of Mormon, it talks about baptism, and we
asked her if she's been baptized yet. She hasn't. So we invited her to be
baptized the end of the month! She said yes! We asked when we could start
teaching her, and she said tonight wouldn't work because they were on their way
to be with family. She then pulled out ultrasound pictures of her baby! She's
three-months pregnant! Miracle times 3!
The field is white!
Photo: the Bayonne soeurs left us a message in candy after
they stayed the weekend with us (it says WE LOVE YOU. We love them too. Lots of
love.). This photo is of me and the sister who replaced me in Bayonne! Kinda
weird that we essentially are wearing the same thing in this picture.
Well here we go. Sister training leader in Lyon. Which is
awesome because it's what we guessed after scripture prophecies hahaha.
Before every transfer we randomly open the scriptures and whatever verse we
land on we try to interpret to guess where we're going. Mine said I'd go to the
center, where I would be given half the kingdom or something like that.
Hahahaha. Last transfer it was Helaman 1:33 that I would take possession of the
So the pace here is fast fast fast and so far I love it. I
was really slowing down in Bayonne. So this is going to be hard and it's going
to be wonderful. Essentially what sister training leader means (as far as I've
been able to gather) is we do exchanges the whole transfer. We spend the first
week together (me and Sister Bichierri, an Italian who is fluent in Spanish and
French and Italian obviously and English, German, Chinese, and I think there's
one other...Swedish?--she said the trick was just making a bunch of sounds but
really just talking with your hands, and then it doesn't matter what you say
haha)--anyways we spend the first week together contacting, trying to get as
many solid investigators as we can, so that the whole rest of the transfer
we'll have people to teach with the sisters who come here for exchanges. And
then the rest of the time, all the 11 companionships we're over come in every
few days and one sister goes with me and one goes with Sister Bichierri and we
teach our amis like that and help train the sister missionaries. Again,
especially funny because I speak caveman French most of the time...meaning
every moment that I'm not talking about the Gospel with someone who needs the
message (those are the moments when the Spirit takes over and I just have to
open my mouth and elegant things come out that later I have no idea how to say
in French or in English). But anyways, Lyon is a beautiful city, and I am so so
happy to be here and so happy to be with Sister Bicchierri. It is her last
transfer and she's the best missionary that currently exists in the mission so
here we go! I think she's already told me 15 times in the last 4 hours that she
loves me. Yep. She's one of those people. The ones that you instantly want to
be around and learn from and rely on. Oh want a sweet transfer this will be.
As for leaving bayonne, it's interesting because i knew i
was leaving. i felt the mantle of that sweet little town coming up off my
shoulders.To the point that last night, soeur swenson (who is going to stay
in bayonne with another second transfer bleu) was asking me questions about what she
should do for certain amis and for certain members and i literally had no idea.
no inklings or inspiration or anything. it's her ville now. and i feel good. i
feel like i have done what i could there, and what heavenly father wanted me to
Our DMP in Bayonne cried when he was saying goodbye.
All he could say was "c'est dommage que vous partissez" (its a
shame that you are leaving) then of course i stated crying.
I had a cool
contact today on the train. FIVE HOUR LONG CONTACT. it was a guy who was super
open to talking and he had question after question about the gospel. I did what
I've been practicing: teaching a simple doctrine, then waiting till he asks a
question. I gave him the proclamation and also a book of mormon yeah! it was
really really a good conversation.
For now, thank you thank you thank you for your letters! I
wish I had more time to write letters back. I cherish every word and am so
grateful to have friends and family like you all.
You know what I'd do if I were the devil? I'd try to get
people to think they weren't as awesome as they are, and I'd try to get them to
think that they have no power to change that, that they're incapable of
overcoming their un-awesomeness. I was reading in Preach My Gospel, our
missionary resource book, this week and I came across a line that says agency
is a privilege and a power. Doctrine & Covenants 58:28 says, "for the
power is in THEM." We've got the power! There are other verses in the Book
of Mormon that talk about how we are free to choose captivity and death or
liberty and eternal life. I never really understood that until a little while
ago. It means, it's more than just "the onus is on you to follow God or
not." It means that we don't have to be miserable if we don't want to be!
It means we are powerful enough creatures, with these bodies and minds that we
have, to actually decide and create who we want to be. And that is why I think
the doctrine of Agency is so precious, because it means we are the masters
of ourselves. We don't have to sign ourselves off forever to a state of
mediocrity or miserableness. Agency is a principle of power.
The point is: you are awesome. And you are enough. Sometimes
it's a struggle to see that or to believe that. But it's truth. And when you
focus on that--on all the ways you are enough--the inadequacies sorta melt away
and you feel happy and light and useful again.
We spent the week in Pau to avoid the Fetes de Bayonne. The
sisters in Pau have a balcony. I slept out on it and thought of being with my
family at the ranch and sleeping on the roof in Mexico with my brother.
All the motorcycles of people coming for the Fetes de