Wednesday, May 23, 2012

the most embarrassing

Well folks, here it is.  My most embarrassing moment.  I alluded to it a couple of days ago, and figured if I didn't (wo)man up and tell it now, I never would.  So let this absolve me of it.

It was a Friday night, three years ago.  My roommate and I had nothing going on.  We heard there was going to be speed dating up on campus, so we thought, "Heck, we've never been speed dating.  They have gongs.  Gongs are cool.  Let's go."  So we dragged two neighbor boys away from their X-box long enough to take them with us.  

Now, I was already a little embarrassed at being there because...well, it's speed dating.  I mean, it has certain stigmas.  I also happened to be on this kick where I wasn't letting boys get the best of me (I'd recently told my nearly-boyfriend that if he wasn't going to date me already, I was going to date other people.  Take that!).  So I go in there, guns at the ready, but secretly a little embarrassed I was there.  (This is not a combo I would recommend, by the way.) 

So we sit down.  Girls on one side, boys on the other.  They start ringing the gong.  I have ten 2-minute conversations with ten different boys that all go exactly like this:
"What's your name?"
"Where are you from?"
"What are you studying?"
"How many kids are in your family?"

That last one is particularly annoying to me.  As if anyone is going to A)remember that info or B)care.  So every now and then I'd make up fake answers because I was tired of having the same conversation over and over again.

...And then he sits down across from me: an incredibly beautiful boy with dimples and sparkly eyes.  First thought?:  "There is no way he's here for serious.  He's here with his buddies to mock people who are here for serious."

We start talking.  He seems nice enough.

But then something weird starts happening.  He keeps looking at my forehead while he's talking to me.  He'll look at my eyes to ask me a question, then will look up at my forehead and start giggling.  Now it's important to note here that I'd recently watched an Office episode in which Jim passes an entire workday staring at Dwight's forehead every time they talk.  It of course makes Dwight terribly uncomfortable ("Meet my eyeline, Jim!") and eventually drives him nuts (more nuts than he already is, at least).

So my thought?  "This kid is trying to mock me! He's deliberately trying to make me feel uncomfortable. HOW. DARE. HE."

I refrained from saying anything at first because I didn't want to look like a fool.  Oh no, I was going to catch him in his little game before I said anything.

And then he did it again.

So I sit up all straight and snarky and say, "Is there something on my forehead?"

He goes serious, pauses.  "What?"

"You keep looking at my forehead, is there something on it?!"

To which he turns bright red, covers one eye, and says, "No, I'm so sorry, I have a lazy eye."


Now, I could have recovered very gracefully, if I'd had my wits about me.  But typically when you're focusing on one-upping someone, you don't.  See, when I was little, I had a lazy eye that would always turn in, and I went through years and years of glasses and eye doctor visits to get it corrected, so all I needed to say to the boy was, “No way, I do too!” 

Instead, I sheepishly asked, " many kids are in your family?"


  1. I am only commenting on this post because it is first of your posts that I have read. I think I have read most of them now, since not paying attention in my foundations of education class. But I just want to say that I LOVE reading your words. They are beautiful. And I do hope you write a book. :)

  2. Love how you covered it with your most hated question! Too funny!!

  3. Oh Carolyn Carolyn. That hurt to read. That poooor boy. Destiny will put him in your path again so you can fix things. Or maybe he reads your blog. Either way. Be ready.

  4. haahha, that's too good! at least it was a sparkly lazy eye right?