Friday, April 23, 2010

money money money

They were careless people, Tom and Daisy -- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.
(Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby)

i'm driving home from work, listening to my favorite show, this american life, with a brilliant man named ira glass (meaning the show is with him, not me. although there isn't much i wouldn't give to have ira glass riding home with me from work. and i mean that in a completely nonromantic way.)

so the show for today was called "scenes from the recession," and was a collection of stories on that theme--vignettes of odd things that are happening as a result of our weak economy. (for example, did you know that dentists have seen a huge spike in broken teeth in the last year? it's because people are so stressed with work and bills and so on that they grind their teeth at night more than before!)

the particular story that was playing when i pulled into smith's grocery store was about an apartment complex that had to foreclose...with tenants still living there. the building had been shabbily built--no concrete foundation so the floor was separating from the ceiling, an entire plumbing system that needed to be redone, sewage that perpetually bubbled up in random places in the apartments, you get the picture.

these types of foreclosed buildings seem to be popping up across america--hastily built, sliding past proper inspections, only occupied by a couple of tenants who somehow got blindsided into buying a condo in these buildings and are now having to pay the $3,000 water bill for the entire property. though in different quarters of the country, under different managements, with different stories of demise, they all have this one thing in common:

behind the shattered windows and boarded up doors, the apartments are "LUXURY".
granite countertops,
stainless steel appliances,
plasma screen TVs.
it seems the contractors banked on selling these apartments for their sparkle-factor. and for a few unlucky buyers, it seemed to work.

with these images floating around upstairs, i get out of my car and walk into smith's, because smith's has a u.s. bank, which is where all us true-blue idahoans do our banking. i'm in line to deposit a couple checks, and can't help but overhear the couple--a man and a woman--at the counter next to me. they're trying to cash some checks, but there's a problem: no valid ID. their driver's licenses are expired, and apparently their costco card just won't cut it.

so they start putting up a big stink (as my mother would say) about how they have to pay $500 in bills RIGHT NOW, and it can't wait another day and they have to get their cash. it seemed as if this dilemma of paying for the bills had been one they had wrestled with for many many years. the stress of late fees and interest and never having enough seemed everyday life to them.

their argument with the teller is interrupted when the man's cellphone goes off, a full-bore hiphop dance beat. he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a blackberry and takes the call. (*pause: BLACKBERRY) then i look over at the woman. fresh set of fake nails. a brand new copy of "Avatar" in her hands to purchase once they get the mess with the cash worked out.

now, i support giving people the benefit of the doubt. on the show, ira said that the builders of the property that the story was focusing on were always strapped for cash (hence the seediness of the building they built), but they somehow managed to drive around in a brand-new yellow hummer. maybe the hummer was given as a gift to the builders, i don't know.

but in a world where everyone seems to find a reason to stress, complain, yell, and be miserable about the lack of money they have, it sure seems we're spending a lot of it on stuff that doesn't really matter.

Friday, April 9, 2010

life lately: ten very good things


lately, my life has consisted of:

1) stockpiling chocolate in my bedroom


2) distributing items of clothing in neat little piles across the floor


3) painting birds in cages


4) enhancing balancing capabilities






5) jelly bellies


6) zen! and the art of psycho-analytical analysis of exhaust pipes, imaginary people, and tappets (whatever the heck those are)



7) frozen blueberries, warmed up for thirty seconds

8) fish that can fly, hyenas that get revenge, and bats that can eat four pounds of mango in one night (aka: LIFE, the new discovery channel series)


9) househunting...and scheming about how i can either kill or marry off one of the girls living in the white house with the green and red trim before the fall...because i want to move in.

10) wanting to be a lilikoi boy

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

haircut


"wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face"
--bruce springsteen


so i got my hair cut.

sometimes it looks like this:

(photo courtesy of katherine)

but usually it looks more like this (please don't ask about the face i'm pulling. i don't know where it came from either):


reactions have been cool. a few favs:

grant: "(disgusted gasp) OHMYYOUGOTBANGS. they look........new."
debbie: "oh my gosh! oh my gosh! oh my gosh!"
jake: "sorry, but all i see is summer." (aka: 70's retro haircut)
students: "you look like that girl off the disney channel." (perrrrrfect. just what i was going for.)
andrew: "you cut your hair. how do you feel about them." (them as in the bangs that are apparently extreme.)

the best has been that the most common reaction is that people don't recognize me. i mean, in eighth grade i started wearing makeup, in ninth grade i stopped wearing glasses, my freshman year i gained 78 pounds (just kidding world), but none of those produced the, "whoa, i didn't recognize you" effect. it's kind of cool to be a part of.

apparently THEY are just that drastic?
and just exactly how drastic of a haircut must you get for people to not recognize you, that is the question.

all of this has made me think:

wouldn't it be cool to get a soul-cut? to become such a different person, such a better person, that when people saw you they didn't recognize you?

so here i go
*snip snip*
off to cut my soul.

every day is a mid-life crisis, every day is kumran


"living deliberately means that you don't waste your life living for the moments that don't matter, but instead, you find out what moments are worth living for, and then you live your life for those moments."
(--k.m., 11th grader)



we've been studying thoreau and ralph waldo.

yesterday i took the kiddies down to a pond and we sat and listened to the oversoul and our innersouls point, sing, and make faces at us.

i've got them examining things



like their hearts.


and now i'm reexamining.
phd?

really???

or photojournalism?
or travel?
or languages?
or curating?


i told my friend jake about my big plans for my future.

he said, "sometimes, i wish i could fly.
but i can't.
it's impossible.

maybe your dreams are impossible."


well, as it turns out, my little heart is a transcendental one, not a realist.
and so i dream.
and i imagine.
and i build castles in the air, for that is where they should be.
i pretend all day in my head

and borrow light,
trusting that there is always more day to dawn,
that my imaginations are but intimations of future journeys,

and that the sun is but a morning star.

Monday, March 22, 2010

an invocation:


DEAR SPRING,




please get here faster.


LOVE, CAROLYN

Monday, March 8, 2010

(a drawing from the life of the artist)

to those who are so patient with me:

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

WHY. CAN'T. I. SLEEEEEEEP!?!

it's quarter after twelve. i've been laying in bed for half an hour now.

i get out and make peanut butter toast in the dark and smear enough peanut butter on it so as to totally defeat the purpose of having brushed and flossed my teeth. something i noticed: making toast in the dark is nice for two reasons. ONE. the wires heat up and make the whole thing g l o w. TWO. even if you burn your toast (which i always do), you can't tell just how badly it's burned! and after the inch of peanut butter, you can't taste the difference either.

big drink of water.

cross your fingers for dreams of disneyland and the first star you see maybe not really being a star.