Friday, June 8, 2012

nasty toast and other maladies

A story: a week ago, I went to make toast.  I hadn't eaten anything for a few days because I was too sick to eat.  Finally I could stomach a little toast.  I went to make some.  There was no jam.  Sister said there was more in the pantry.  I was too frustrated to dig looking for it in there, so I went downstairs to the secret storage room of jam.  Got myself a jar.  Came back upstairs.  Went for butter in the fridge, found none.  Opened the cupboard, found the butter tray, lifted the butter.  I screamed to the heavens, then grumbled something about nasty toast and no butter and sick and looked up and saw Rosie (sister) doubled over laughing at me.  

Not one of my more brilliant moments.  Really no moments in the last two weeks have been brilliant, if we're being honest.  I've felt at least three (at times up to twelve) of the following maladies at every moment in said time period:

1.  lung-igniting cough
2.  drizzly nose
3.  cloudy, spinning head
4.  muscles sore like a trainwreck
5.  anvil headaches
6.  crater-sore in mouth
7.  sahara lips
8.  a throat like sandpaper on fire
9.  nausea.
10.  tingling over whole body
11.  spotty-like-i'm-fainting vision
12.  chilly chills

I'm not typically a wimp either.  I power through colds pretty well.  Not so with this round.

Anyways, so my sister rubbed my feet (note for future reference: rubbing a sick person's feet is one of the kindest things you can do for them.  Washing their feet is even better.  Just sayin.)

Other than that little delight, I have been having all kinds of other adventures, including but not limited to:
1.  Saying "just sayin" after every sentence.
2.  Busking the streets of Salt Lake with an accordion and a boy named Ben who sings like he's famous.
3.  Cresting the quarter-century hill (more on that in a couple of days.  I've rescheduled my birthday this year because I was too sick to like it when it happened.  So I shall be celebrating it a week after the fact.  Yeah.  Send me presents and stuff.)
4.  Meeting singing Navajos in parks.
5.  Renewing my driver's license.  Looking like a freakin deer in the headlights on my picture.  Perfect.
6.  Pre-chopping all my hair off because it has decided to mutiny, and there's only one thing to do with mutinous hair: chop it all off.
7.  Playing jacks with the whole family.  (CLASSIC game, people.  If you don't know how to play, I highly encourage you to go get yoself a set and learn.)
8.  Starting a Nancy Drew Club with an eight-year old girl that has a hundred freckles and legs like a stork.

Now I'm going to go eat a fried chicken summer dinner because hallelujah I finally have my appetite back.

(Oh, and here's proof about the singing Navajos.)