something i wish i was cool enough to write

by dallas clayton

HOW TO MEET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS (FOOLPROOF)
Buy a falconer’s glove.
Approach the girl you like wearing the falconers glove.
Ask her “Excuse me, have you seen a falcon fly by here?”
Look up to the sky, hopeful/sad.
If she says “No,” look distraught and ask her if she wouldn’t mind helping you look for your falcon.
No human being would ever turn down an opportunity like this.
Use the time you spend together searching for the falcon to get to know her.
At the end of your search (10 minutes) you will probably need consoling re: the loss of your one true friend.
By this point her interest in you based on the fact that you were able to put so much love and time into the raising of a falcon will more than ensure a second date, and from there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to marriage.
Good luck!
*NOTE: If by chance a falcon does appear out of nowhere, simply say ” (falcon’s name) I’ve missed you so much! Don’t ever scare me like that again!” Then offer to take the girl to dinner for helping you find your lost falcon. Bonus: You just got a free falcon!

(note from Carolyn:  Read this guy.  Read his website.  It will change the way you write and change the way you think about the things you see every day.)