one of those rare days when every move carries the weight of eternal indelibility, of eternal engraving on the soul of "My History".

this post is to be read while listening to "More Time" by Needtobreathe.

while sitting in convocation, i realized something perspective-changing.  in order to accomplish the greater things i am hoping to, I must graduate.  this step is not an end, but rather a release, empowering me, enabling with, granting me the freedom and credential necessary to move on to the more weighty matters, like grad school, publishing, becoming a scholar, and saving the world (my plan is to do this through stories).

a picture says a thousand words and all that

and here i am, another blog post brought to you past one in the morning.  something about this all is so cathartic, so before-bed-necessary.

here are some pictures until i get some words.  (these pictures=a small afternoon reminiscence of my BYU experience)

FRESHMAN YEAR: "WOW these bookshelves MOVE!!  Like in Harry Potter!"

SOPHOMORE YEAR: hamburgers + french fries + fry sauce + everyday = magic.  I think most people have certain favorite food spots in their hometowns--places they go to again and again.  this is ours.  scoreboard grill.

JUNIOR YEAR, SENIOR YEAR, SUPER SENIOR YEAR: And thus I fell in love with Shakespeare.  And thus my favorite place to study became the fifth floor, because I knew he was nearby.

THIS WEEKEND (aka: GRADUATION): "We did it!"  (please click on this picture to view a larger version.  please notice our faces.  classic brooke and carolyn.  maybe not so much has changed since our days in heritage halls.)

with all the love in my heart, i graduate, in hopes of putting my heart to better use as i step out into this crazycrazy world.

ground beef, thumbs-up, and other delights

it all started with an old man doing yoga in the middle of the park.

then we tried 18 times to leave--you know those nightmares where you just can't quite get out the door?  that was monday afternoon--and finally on the nineteenth try we were successful.

then with pineapple in a round container with a square lid that did not fit and lots of halos and rubies to go around, we drove....and drove and drove and drove until five hours and seventeen skinwalker jokes later, we found a canyon, one million stars, zero hot dogs, and a midweek escape from real life.

DAY ONE:

highlights:

1. waking up to a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! banner.  BAM. 

2. melissa bear-slapping spencer.

3. grossing rosie out while hiking.

4. attempting to drive man off a cliff with a fourwheeler.

5. this face:

what's that, you say?  you'd like a close up of the cow?  alright...

6. certain people stealing my fries and getting rebuked by a fry-protective father.

7. falling asleep like 14-yr olds.

DAY TWO:

1.  stupid green lines and rubber hammers all morning long.

2. laughing while wrestling sprinklerlines with minds of their own.

3. camille schooling michael at spit.

4. sumo-wrestlings.

5. letting loose, to put it nicely.

6. Oreos=I marry Josh + I wear a D.I. shirt for a day.  Oh wait, I meant a week.

7. 7:15 oh what?

POST-DELIGHTS:

1.  Thursday already?  you mean it is the weekend again?  kaching.

theme + thoughts =

most of my work as a major of the English is to find themes in texts. if my life were a book, i am apparently living right now somewhere in the chapter titled, "TRUST." thought i'd look it up to get a more nuanced understanding.

trust   [truhst] Show IPA ,
–noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone's trust.
8. something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.
9. Law.
a. a fiduciary relationship in which one person (the trustee) holds the title to property (the trust estate or trust property) for the benefit of another (the beneficiary).
b. the property or funds so held.
10. Commerce.
a. an illegal combination of industrial or commercial companies in which the stock of the constituent companies is controlled by a central board of trustees, thus making it possible to manage the companies so as to minimize production costs, control prices, eliminate competition, etc.
b. any large industrial or commercial corporation or combination having a monopolistic or semimonopolistic control over the production of some commodity or service.
11. Archaic. reliability.
–adjective
12. Law. of or pertaining to trusts or a trust.
–verb (used without object)
13. to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something (usually fol. by in or to): to trust in another's honesty; trusting to luck.
14. to have confidence; hope: Things work out if one only trusts.
15. to sell merchandise on credit.
–verb (used with object)
16. to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.
17. to believe.
18. to expect confidently; hope (usually fol. by a clause or infinitive as object): trusting the job would soon be finished; trusting to find oil on the land.
19. to commit or consign with trust or confidence.
20. to permit to remain or go somewhere or to do something without fear of consequences: He does not trust his children out of his sight.
21. to invest with a trust; entrust with something.
22. to give credit to (a person) for goods, services, etc., supplied: Will you trust us till payday?
—Verb phrase
23. trust to, to rely on; trust: Never trust to luck!
—Idiom
24. in trust, in the position of being left in the care or guardianship of another: She left money to her uncle to keep in trust for her children.

Origin:
1175–1225; (n.) ME < ON traust trust (c. G Trost comfort); (v.) ME trusten < ON treysta, deriv. of traust

Related forms:
trust⋅a⋅ble, adjective
trust⋅a⋅bil⋅i⋅ty, noun
truster, noun

Synonyms:
1. certainty, belief, faith. Trust, assurance, confidence imply a feeling of security. Trust implies instinctive unquestioning belief in and reliance upon something: to have trust in one's parents. Confidence implies conscious trust because of good reasons, definite evidence, or past experience: to have confidence in the outcome of events. Assurance implies absolute confidence and certainty: to feel an assurance of victory. 8. commitment, commission. 17. credit. 19. entrust.

[tear] me away: girl crying home

i wish i could take BYU and put it in a bottle and take it with me wherever i go.  then, at any time, i could open it up and be in the MOA, early on a Friday afternoon, wandering in from a long week, beginning my weekend with a little art and the mysterious smell of hot paninis, cheese, soup.  i could be sitting at those solid maple tables on the fifth floor, or the Periodicals, caressing out the last few parts of a term paper about Shakespeare.  i would be eating a Subway sandwich, no, a Scoreboard hamburger and frenchfries with lots of fry sauce at a table in the Wilk, watching people, wrestling a crossword puzzle.  i'd be meeting with a study group while the sun is setting, fifth floor study room, by the photography section.  i'd be in the HFAC, painting long after class ended, tender tendrils of turpenoid saturating the warmness, hypnotized, pounding through the paint with Radiohead.  late night going to Hamlet or Young Ambassadors for the second time, always Smart Cookie after.  i'd sit in Rick Duerden's class on the morning of the final [studying near through the night], composing brilliance i little knew i had in me.  eating Subway on the lawn of Maeser with Brooke, faking like we're studying--cramming--for humanities finals.  ballroom with judd and acoustic explosion...  but back to the library i would always return, after dinner at the Wilk, with a few friends nearby to keep studycompany, Tiffany bringing me a bag of double-dipped peanuts to eat while constructing literarys on California and simulacra, 

these memories are sprinkled with gold, they echo of priceless.

and through all of them is a forward movement, a weight of future happinesses waiting and passing, a clean scent of excitement, a clean scent of home.

i don't want to say goodbye.

in review: a journey with pictures

this weekend has blissed on in one eternal stretch of joy.  like the road before jack kerouac.

weekend highlights:

--finishing on the road friday morning.  best line: "it was remarkable how Dean could go mad and then suddenly continue with his soul--which I think is wrapped up in a fast car, a coast to reach, and a woman at the end of the road."

--remembering that i really do like playing the guitar incessantly for hours on end, as a result of discovering this.

--pupusas at el salvadorian restaurante

--eating jelly beans and laughing for 45 minutes straight, while driving on the freeway with paigey.

--REdiscovering favorite flavors: lemon, blue speckled, grapegrapegrape, and coconuuutt

--katherine asking it exactly like it is.  honesty: appreciated.  

--realizing that ten years later, we're still doing the same things at sleepovers that we did when we were twelve: eating, giggling, and talking about boys.  and then, once we turned on twilight, realizing that chances are that for those of us who are teaching tenth-graders, we probably spent our weekend the same way our students did: sleepovers and twilight.

--making two new friends at said sleepover.

--freezing to death and trying to sleep at the same time, while tipping backwards off my recliner in the middle of the night.  "No!"

--french toast, strawberries, and powdered sugar creating saturday morning bliss

--fraternizing with Cornelius Carmichael (tennis racquet and all) and Winston Shemerington.  the three of us waltzing into Smith's like we owned the place, Penelope Wimbeldon being escorted by two gentlemen.

--hearing the prophetic ice cream truck, foreshadower of one adventurous day soon to come.

--finding the song they played on npr the other day that i liked so much:  Dan Auerbach, "When the Night Comes".  See here, you.  

--finally washing my car real good.  using the 14 quarters from justin to do so.

--watching eagle boys plant a strawberry patch

--having a dead goldfish thrown at me.  having the dead goldfish thrown at me stick to my shirt.  screaming and shaking the dead goldfish thrown at me off my shirt.  having a watermark on my shirt in the shape of a dead goldfish from the dead goldfish thrown at me.

--the annual festival of colors: hare hare hare hare krishna krishna krishna krishna

--pizza + suns game = comfortable

--making a garrett sandwich

--looking back at a perfect weekend.

tonight i am prolific.

i drove all the way home today in front of a man on a motorcycle whose sunglasses had become part of his overinflated face.

i kept checking the rearview mirror, one earphone cord hanging from his right ear, turning to spit at the racing pavement beneath his tires.