IS IT LOVE? // part one

While studying for my thesis defense today, I came across a project I did for a Victorian Lit class a few years back, in which I read through marriage manuals from the 1800s. If you're ever in the library and want some titillating reading, Victorian era marriage books is where it's at. And by "it" I mean the true gems of our Western literary tradition. For this particular project, I'd compiled the love advice from the manuals--what to look for in a companion, how to know if it's "real love," when to confess your love...you know, the things that only every person who's ever lived wants to know. Seeing as it isss the month of love and all that, I figured this might be just the kind of thing the world is in dire need of. So, in three parts, I present:

LOVE ADVICE FROM THE VICTORIANS!

(part one)

IS MY BELOVED WORTHY OF MY AFFECTIONS?

Make a mental note of the statements that are true of your beloved.

My beloved...

• occasionally speaks slightingly of the opposite sex
• is ill-prepared to honour the virtues of the opposite sex and defend its weaknesses
• comes to visit at irregular hours
• exhibits a vague or wandering attention
• gives proofs of a want of punctuality
• shows disrespect for age
• sneers at things sacred
• absents him/herself from regular attendance at divine service
• evinces an inclination to expensive pleasures beyond his/her means
• evinces an inclination to low and vulgar amusements
• is foppish
• is eccentric
• is very slovenly in dress
• displays a frivolity of mind
• exhibits an absence of well-directed energy in his/her worldly pursuits
• exhibits symptoms of insanity and nervous derangement, often sinking under the morbidity of imaginary burdens
• exhibits frailty of health, such that his/her ability to support/nurture a family may be incapacitated.

If you noted "affirmative" to any of the above statements regarding your beloved, it is best that you let dissolve any intimations of affection that you had begun to nurture within yourself.

If you are one of those fortunate enough to have found a beloved who is not in the least described by any of the above inquiries, return tomorrow for part two...

"IS THIS LOVE I FEEL, OR JUST A FLEETING PASSION OF THE HEART?"