Feels like Home

Last P day, we went to president's house and played games. I was in the middle explaining to a couple missionaries that I don't play sports, when suddenly a ball comes rolling my way. A bunch of people were playing volleyball, so I pick it up and expertly smash it back to them. It didn't work so well. Elder Dampt (one of the office elders) falls on the ground laughing saying, "That isn't even a volleyball!" Exactly.

But don't worry I gave President a run for his money at pingpong. 21-2 at the end of the game (President won). Was almost like my basketball triumph a few years back with Coach Raymon. But for reals, then we all played around the world and I was one of the last ones left in almost every round. Glad those Christmas break hours of playing pingpong are paying off big time now as a missionary.

Also please see the picture of me and Elder Foote, my second cousin. Look at how wonderful he is. Look at how he's wearing the infamous Foote brothers shirt. We played volleyball together and I thought about the ranch and all the volleyball games there. Eternal families are important. In fact this morning I started crying for happiness when I was explaining to my companion how much I love my family.

And speaking of which, this week we took an ami to a family's house in the ward. We ate a good meal and did family history online, with familysearch.org. We talked about how the family can be together forever after this life, how Jesus Christ has made the way for that to be possible, and he has revealed it to prophets who have revealed it to the world. The whole bus ride home, he couldn't stop smiling, thinking about the implications of that--"you mean, I can be with my family, forever. You mean all my family that I've never met before...that is distanced from me...I can be reunited with them and live with God with them?" Yeah. It means you don't have to worry that the beautiful things you've built in this life with the people you love are going to evaporate after death. I told him it means that you can have peace and joy every second, because you know it's all for a purpose, and that it's eternal. As this is all starting to sink it for him, his smile gets bigger and bigger, and finally he says to us (we're just smiling at him, confirming all the truths he's realizing about the promise that a family can be together forever), "How can you just be smiling? With this knowledge, you should be standing on roofs shouting for joy! You should be swimming in the lake!!!" I am happy because of the Gospel. I have peace because of the Gospel.

My other favorite moment this week was when we contacted a guy for the second time--the first time was a couple of weeks ago, and we had a really good discussion with him on the street, about what it means that the Church of Jesus Christ is on the earth again, led by Jesus Christ. Then we saw him a couple of nights ago, and had a simiarly cool conversation. Then we asked him how he felt last time we talked, and he said he felt like home. He felt like he was around the table with his family, having a good conversation, enjoying being together. This is what people most commonly say about how they feel when they start praying, reading the Book of Mormon, talking to the missionaries--that they have this very warm, happy feeling. Like they're home. I love that with all my heart. We are creatures of another world, and our spirits witness to us our home is not here.

1 art museum. yep. couldn't have been happier that day.

2 rain drenched missionaries. we suffered for the work.

3 laughing and contacting on our way somewhere.

4 morning exercises

5  eating homemade ice cream sandwiches (so much fun to live with an italian and get to teach her about things like ice cream sandwiches, and quilts, and infinity blackout.)

hard work + happy = magic

This morning I was reading in the gospel of John, the story of when Jesus healed the lame man at the pool of Bethesda. He healed the man, and then I guess because the crowd started to gather there, Jesus left. But later, it says, he found the man in the temple, and finished teaching him. He taught him that yes, he'd been healed, but what was more important was that he not sin anymore, that he change his life. I love that Jesus found the man again, knowing the man didn't quite yet understand fully what he needed to do. This is really important to me, in terms of the character of Christ. There have been times in my life when I've taken a giant step of faith--when I've taken up my bed and walked, so to speak--but when right after, I realized I had no idea what to do next. These moments are scary. But this morning I realized that part of the character of Jesus Christ is that he promises he won't ever leave us only halfway there. The Lord will not suffer that we should stop beyond the sea in the wilderness, as Ether 2: 7 says, but that we should come forth even unto the land of promise. He'll find us in our places and teach us the rest of what we need to know to get to where he has promised we could be.

We had zone conference this week and it was so so good. Every time I get to talk to our mission president, I come out a different person. He explained that as sister training leaders (me and Sister Bicchierri's job right now), one of our most important jobs is teaching 22 other sisters missionaries and motivating them. I love love love it. He asked us to do as many exchanges as we could in the last two weeks of the transfer, so we're doing one every day except for Sundays. Our main goal in exchanges is to uplift and motivate and teach the other sisters how to have success on their missions. President Roney said the formula I'm supposed to teach sisters is that happy + hard work = magic. So needless to say we're having fun. And learning how to have fun better. It's incredible how heavy the weight of missionary work can be somedays. I can't quite figure out why it is this way. Perhaps it has something to do with knowing you have to talk to strangers all day, and be outside of yourself all day... (This is coming from a girl who prefers a quiet room with an accordion and a novel on Friday nights...) Sometimes we feel really inadequate (sister missionaries especially). Plus the fact that every moment you feel the clock ticking and the constant question, "Am I doing enough? Am I loving my mission enough? Am I doing everything I need to???" I'm learning how careful you have to be with your thoughts, because regret and worry is a black hole. But oh how laughter and talking fixes these crazy ways of freaking ourselves out. So yeah: we try to laugh a lot and talk a lot on our exchanges, all the while teaching sisters better, happier ways to be missionaries. Oh lala. It is an adventure and I love it.

And one lesson I learned this week is that one little kind word can totally change a person. Even words you don't think are particularly profound or anything. If they're encouraging someone to be more who you know they can be, they are very very important. I think of the kind things people have said to me before that probably to them were nothing but to me I have reflected on again and again and drawn strength from to become better and lift my sights of who I can be. I remember all the times my parents told me nice things about myself. Sometimes I look back and think about what a stinker I was sometimes and think, "Wow, they really had to see through a lot of rotten behavior to be able to say something that nice" hahaha, but oh how what they believed they saw in me shaped who I tried to become! We can help each other to become better by seeing good things in each other!

My goal for this preparation day today is to find an accordion. Pictures next week if I'm successful.

Pictures for this week:

1. Decided I needed to retake control of myself by not eating cereal for a week. This was the last bowl we ate before starting. It was delicious.

2. Makin calls. Bane of my existence. I'm so awkward on the phone, in French.

3. Art, in the middle of Geneva! At one point in my life I knew who made this rather large chair. I think he also made the large eraser in DC and the large arrow in San Fran but at this current point in my life, the only artist I can think of Leichtenstein. And Calder. I can always think of Calder.

4. Gex! So storybook it killed me.

5. At a lil service project. I got to weed for an hour and half and have never been so happy in all my life. Nature is a good good thing. Even the bad parts of it like weeds and dirt. (I don't know if you can see in the picture, but my hands were caked in dirt.)

Pictures...

We spent most of the week in Switzerland on exchanges with other soeurs.

1. trying to plan for the upcoming week oolala. planning is hard.

2. in switzerland!

3. on exchanges with soeur heitbreder, who uncle john met in germany last year!

Lyon Week 2

Hebrews 10:31-39. It says, "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God... But we are not of them that draw back into perdition, but of them that believe to the saving of the soul." It is terrifying to fall into the hands of God: we are confronted with our own inadequacy and with our own powerlessness to change a single h air on our head. Then we realize that if we let go and give in to Him and let Him do things with us , that we'll turn into huge, brilliant, magnificent creatures. The terrifying part is that we realize what that will entail--it will mean always loving, always being outside our comfort zone, always being bigger than the miserly smallness inside of us that prefers a dim and quiet corner to be left alone in. It means we have to do things we don't want to do. It means we have to stand on the cliff of all our deepest fears and confront the dragon of the devils we love inside of us. And when we come upon this moment, we have two options: to give ourselves over to this "living God" and live by faith, or to draw back, into the comfortable shadows of mediocrity. The latter is perdition, ruin, and destruction. The former is life eternal. And the difference is believing not just "in" the saving of the soul, but "to" the saving of the soul. Cast not away therefore your confidence!

Other news:

I get eaten alive by mosquitoes every night. Not kidding. At first I thought they were bedbugs. I'm pretty sure they are mosquitoes now though. Which is a relief. But still.

I ate my first kebab this week. it was delicious and i woke up feeling not too sick the next morning. this is probably because we bought the ritzier kebabs. we heard anything under 6 euros is too sketchy to eat. thank goodness the elders are experts in the kebab field and can give us advice like how much money to spend on kebabs to ensure their sanitariness.

We're off to Switzerland tonight for a week of exchanges!

LYON (if you're lonely, give me your hand and I'll hold it)

I LOVE THE CITY. I love it so much. There are people EVERYWHERE, which means we are constantly talking to people. We had a bazillion miracles too this week because we're constantly talking to people. The pace is fast and we're right in the center of everything, and I love that. There are 8 missionaries in our ward. EIGHT! I've spent the last four months out in the boonies with my one companion and not another missionary for literally hours. So I've having a mot of fun here with all the different people there are to talk to and the huge mix of cultures and experiences and so on.

This is to say nothing of the smell of the metro. The smell of the metro is one of my favorite smells in the world. It's D.C. and London and curry and sweat and people and hot brakes on hot tracks and I love it. Every time I walk into the metro I tell Soeur Bicchierri how much I love the smell. Every time she tells me I'm weird.

My job right now is called sister training leader. Here's an example of what that means: my second night, after we taught a lesson, I got to spend an hour calling around to the sisters in our area and talking to them, getting to know them, encouraging them, loving them, and so on. In other words, my job here is to hold hands that hang down and help us all be a little happier. Amawing how uplifting others uplifts you too. We go on exchanges about every other day. Sometimes the sisters come to stay with us, and sometimes we go to their villes. (We even get to go into Switzerland this transfer! This is the only time on my mission I'll get to go to Switzerland!). We spend 24 hours with each sister in our area (22 total). And our sole purpose these 24 hours is to uplift them, encourage them, help them, love them, and teach them how to teach and how to contact and whatever else they want help with. I love this job so so much. The first three days I woke up smiling I was so happy.

Now let's talk about my companion, Soeur Bicchierri. I have never had so much fun before. We laugh ALL. THE. TIME. We do really funny stuff contacting, and we always get people to laugh. She told me that when we're on exchanges with the sisters this transfer that's something we have to do--help them see how fun contacting can be, so they aren't so stressed out about it.

Also, she speaks a bazillion languages. Contacting with her is like contacting with James Bond. We contact someone who speaks German, so suddenly starts speaking fluent German with them. We contact someone who speaks Spanish. Fluent Spanish. She's also done this in English, Italian, Mongolian, Portugese, and a little Chinese. It's crazy. And she can get any person to smile in under 3 seconds. It's incredible, I've never seen anything like it. I'm learning a ton from her about loving people and making them smile and helping uplift their spirits and then immediately connecting that joy they feel to Jesus Christ. It's wonderful.

And yeah we laugh all the time. People are just so funny, they say funny things and they do funny things to try to get away from us. We were walking really fast alongside a moving sidewalk in the metro the other day and we start talking to a man who was standing on the moving sidewalk. He was just standing there, listening to his ipod or something, and as soon as we started talking to him, he started dodging in and out of people on the moving sidewalk trying to get away. People are scared. People are scared of the soul-searching questions we ask them. But we can usually get them to smile fast, and then they tell us some of the most beautiful things.

For instance: we were in the apartment ALL DAY on Saturday trying to get things in order for all the exchanges and so forth we'll be doing this transfer. Around 5 we got super stir crazy and realized we needed to get OUT of the apartment and do some good missionary work. We planned to pass by Yasmine, one of our amis. We called her to see if we could, and she said no, it wasn't a good time. So we decided instead to pass by one of the referrals we'd received. But then we couldn't find the paper we'd written the referral's address on. So then we decided to pass by the other referral instead because I had that address handy, but then we couldn't find the KEYS. So after 10 minutes of trying to find them, we realize maybe there's something else we're supposed to be doing. So we go into our room and pray, and the only thought we have is to go to the office (which is literally across the sidewalk from our apartment). We'd only be gone for a few minutes so we wouldn't need the keys. On the way out, I grab a bag of cookies we'd just made, thinking maybe there was someone Heavenly Father was going to put in our path, since none of our other ideas seemed to be right. So we leave the apartment to go to the office. As soon as we leave the apartment, I see a woman with grocery bags at the other end of the block, so we run down to help her. It was interesting because I don't even know what possessed me to do that. I could have just as easily not gone back to help her. It wasn't really a conscious decision, it just kind of happened. It was the same when I gave that pass-along card to Bruno. I don't remember deciding to do that. It just kind of happened. Anyways, we walk up to her and she says, "No no, I'm not interested." And then my companion says, "Actually, we would like to give you some cookies. We just made them. Will you accept them?" And she softened up and smiled and laughed a little, because the whole situation was so weird--these two girls, one American, one Italian offering her cookies. Weird.

So we ask her what she feels about Jesus Christ. She explains that she believes in him and is Evangelist. After that she seemed like it was finished, she really wasn't interested beyond that and maybe wanted us to leave her alone. But I felt like I should ask her if she was satisfied with her relationship with Jesus Christ. And oh wow, then the floodgates opened! She told us all about how she used to be Catholic, and how she believes there is a God, that she was with him before this life, and that He has a plan for her life, and that every day she prays that He will show her more of this plan. She used those very words. My companion and I looked at each other like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" So then right there we taught her by the Spirit. It was such a neat experience--we really felt like every sentence we said and every question we asked was being led exactly by the Spirit. We taught her about the Restoration, and she took a Book of Mormon and 30 minutes later she asking us when we can meet with her. !!! That was the reason we couldn't find the keys and the addresses and so on! I am learning more and more everyday what it means to be led by the Spirit. It isn't this strong feeling to do certain things. It's mostly just happy little ideas that come to you, and the trick is to not squash them out by your rational, miserly mind that is lazy and looks for reasons not to do happy little things. And it is miraculous to see what happens when you trust in those happy little ideas, and then leave the rest to Heavenly Father. The other day we were waiting for the metro, and I thought, "Hey, just ask that guy if he wants to learn." So I did (after telling the little miserly voice that was telling me it wasn't worth it to hushhush), and guess what! He said no, he didn't want to learn anything about Jesus Christ! So I said, "Okay" and smiled and then me and my companion stood there waiting for the metro and happily planning a lesson. And I was watching him and he kept looking over at us, looking at our tags, and finally he said, "Okay actually, I have a question. I believe in Jesus Christ, but how can I know him more? How is that possible?" We smiled. YES. The promise Elder Richards of the 70 left with us when he came a couple of transfers ago was that we needed to teach simply, then let them process the information, and then they will ask US a question! And that's what happened. So we explained the Restoration to him, and then we felt like we should invite him to church with us, and he said yes, he would really love to, and that he's been looking for a church to go to that wasn't corrupted by the ideas of men. I love seeing that change--from them thinking we're weird strangers to them recognizing us as representatives of Jesus Christ.

And I'm learning more and more every day just how much power this "setting apart" actually holds. It's incredible.

And definitely there are still loads of people who don't want to hear about it just yet. My favorite funny contact of today for example was just a couple of hours ago, I explained to a man we're here to talk about Jesus Christ and he said, "That's great, but not with me." Ha. People are just really funny.

Also. Last night, we were on our way home from church, and I tried to ask a guy if he wanted to learn more about Jesus Christ, but he walked away before I could finish asking: "Bonjour! Do you want to learn... more..." Gone. Soeur Bicchierri thought this was hilarious. "Sister! Did you just ask him if he wanted to learn more?! Learn more about what?? That makes no sense!" So then the next two contacts we started by saying, "Bonjour! Do you want to learn more?" The first lady was like, "No thank you." (Soeur Bicchierri was like, "What? She doesn't want to learn more?! She already knows everything? Who are these people!" and then we laughed some more.) But then the next couple we asked looked blankly at us for a while then said, "...about what?" We smiled and said about Jesus Christ, because we are his representatives! They said no, ca va, they already believed in Christ. My companion showed them a Book of Mormon and explained that it testified of Jesus Christ. The woman said, "Oh yes, I've read it already." We weren't sure what exactly that meant--if she read it and didn't believe it or what. So we asked how she felt about it. She said, "I loved it. I read it a long time ago, but i really loved it. It touched me deeply." She was smiling really big and her face was glowing. So we explained that in the Book of Mormon, it talks about baptism, and we asked her if she's been baptized yet. She hasn't. So we invited her to be baptized the end of the month! She said yes! We asked when we could start teaching her, and she said tonight wouldn't work because they were on their way to be with family. She then pulled out ultrasound pictures of her baby! She's three-months pregnant! Miracle times 3!

The field is white!

Photo: the Bayonne soeurs left us a message in candy after they stayed the weekend with us (it says WE LOVE YOU. We love them too. Lots of love.). This photo is of me and the sister who replaced me in Bayonne! Kinda weird that we essentially are wearing the same thing in this picture.

Transfer to Lyon

Well here we go. Sister training leader in Lyon. Which is awesome because it's what we guessed after scripture prophecies hahaha. Before every transfer we randomly open the scriptures and whatever verse we land on we try to interpret to guess where we're going. Mine said I'd go to the center, where I would be given half the kingdom or something like that. Hahahaha. Last transfer it was Helaman 1:33 that I would take possession of the city again.

So the pace here is fast fast fast and so far I love it. I was really slowing down in Bayonne. So this is going to be hard and it's going to be wonderful. Essentially what sister training leader means (as far as I've been able to gather) is we do exchanges the whole transfer. We spend the first week together (me and Sister Bichierri, an Italian who is fluent in Spanish and French and Italian obviously and English, German, Chinese, and I think there's one other...Swedish?--she said the trick was just making a bunch of sounds but really just talking with your hands, and then it doesn't matter what you say haha)--anyways we spend the first week together contacting, trying to get as many solid investigators as we can, so that the whole rest of the transfer we'll have people to teach with the sisters who come here for exchanges. And then the rest of the time, all the 11 companionships we're over come in every few days and one sister goes with me and one goes with Sister Bichierri and we teach our amis like that and help train the sister missionaries. Again, especially funny because I speak caveman French most of the time...meaning every moment that I'm not talking about the Gospel with someone who needs the message (those are the moments when the Spirit takes over and I just have to open my mouth and elegant things come out that later I have no idea how to say in French or in English). But anyways, Lyon is a beautiful city, and I am so so happy to be here and so happy to be with Sister Bicchierri. It is her last transfer and she's the best missionary that currently exists in the mission so here we go! I think she's already told me 15 times in the last 4 hours that she loves me. Yep. She's one of those people. The ones that you instantly want to be around and learn from and rely on. Oh want a sweet transfer this will be.

As for leaving bayonne, it's interesting because i knew i was leaving. i felt the mantle of that sweet little town coming up off my shoulders. To the point that last night, soeur swenson (who is going to stay in bayonne with another second transfer bleu) was asking me questions about what she should do for certain amis and for certain members and i literally had no idea. no inklings or inspiration or anything. it's her ville now. and i feel good. i feel like i have done what i could there, and what heavenly father wanted me to do.

Our DMP in Bayonne cried when he was saying goodbye. All he could say was "c'est dommage que vous partissez" (its a shame that you are leaving) then of course i stated crying.

I had a cool contact today on the train. FIVE HOUR LONG CONTACT. it was a guy who was super open to talking and he had question after question about the gospel. I did what I've been practicing: teaching a simple doctrine, then waiting till he asks a question. I gave him the proclamation and also a book of mormon yeah! it was really really a good conversation.

For now, thank you thank you thank you for your letters! I wish I had more time to write letters back. I cherish every word and am so grateful to have friends and family like you all.

You are enough. You are enough. You are enough.

You know what I'd do if I were the devil? I'd try to get people to think they weren't as awesome as they are, and I'd try to get them to think that they have no power to change that, that they're incapable of overcoming their un-awesomeness. I was reading in Preach My Gospel, our missionary resource book, this week and I came across a line that says agency is a privilege and a power. Doctrine & Covenants 58:28 says, "for the power is in THEM." We've got the power! There are other verses in the Book of Mormon that talk about how we are free to choose captivity and death or liberty and eternal life. I never really understood that until a little while ago. It means, it's more than just "the onus is on you to follow God or not." It means that we don't have to be miserable if we don't want to be! It means we are powerful enough creatures, with these bodies and minds that we have, to actually decide and create who we want to be. And that is why I think the doctrine of Agency is so precious, because it means we are the masters of ourselves. We don't have to sign ourselves off forever to a state of mediocrity or miserableness. Agency is a principle of power.

The point is: you are awesome. And you are enough. Sometimes it's a struggle to see that or to believe that. But it's truth. And when you focus on that--on all the ways you are enough--the inadequacies sorta melt away and you feel happy and light and useful again.

We spent the week in Pau to avoid the Fetes de Bayonne. The sisters in Pau have a balcony. I slept out on it and thought of being with my family at the ranch and sleeping on the roof in Mexico with my brother.

Pictures:

All the motorcycles of people coming for the Fetes de Bayonne

On the funicular up to Pau

On the balcony. Sleepy but happy.