For the Love of Literature (no. 2)

Some days, when I quiet my anxieties long enough to get myself to the library, I remember why I got into this gig in the first place. I'm buried in Latin dictionaries and seven different translations of Ovid, and all I want to do is sit here for the rest of the day (let the football game and the rain and the hoards of Saturday students not studying march on!) and think about the words and about what they mean and about why that makes any bit of difference in this big wide world.

It's silly, but in moments like this, sometimes I could cry I'm so happy that words and books and stories exist.

Silly, right? I know.

But kinda lovely too.

a cabin in the misty mountains

"Men come tamely home at night only from the next field or street, where their household echoes haunt, and their life pines because it breathes its own breath over again; their shadows morning and evening reach farther than their daily steps. We should come home from far, from adventures, and perils, and discoveries every day, with new experiences and character."

Henry David Thoreau

"Baker Farm"

Walden

 

I dream of such things.

of a Whale and a Swoosh (or On Assuming)

There are not many more things I'd like than you explaining why, me explaining how,
while we wait for the crash of the flagrant surreptitiousness of it all.
There are not many more things that exist
than those days in autumn and the empty hours ahead.
I'd punch my heart into paper with these words again and again:
Let's walk.
Let's walk.
Let's walk.
And you with all your guarded curiosity would let loose the words,
And your eyes so small could see all the world.

music monday

1. "Mighty" (Lord Huron)
2. "Old Pine" (Ben Howard)
3. "Wrecking Ball Heart" (Jack's Mannequin) This is the last song Jack's Mannequin is releasing. Done. They're done. So soak it in and love every bit of it and hope there is another Andrew McMahon project soon. (You can download the song for free here.)

and then, in front of her 20 students...

I've had some awkward moments as a teacher. Like the day after lover-boy and I broke-up and my students found out and more or less tried to console me. (Tender.) Like the day I wore the bright red paisley shirt, and when I asked if any students had questions, one of them raised his hand and said, "No offense, but when you got dressed this morning, what were you thinking?!" (Rude but awesome.)

But today took the cake.

Today I passed out.

Yep, in front of all of them.

Passing out is no foreign land to me--I practically have a summer home there. So when I was walking down the stairs from my office to my classroom and everything started getting blotchy and tingly, I knew it wasn't going to be good. But I made it to the teacher chair at the podium, sat down, and tried to ward off students until I could recover. No bueno. These students of mine are inquisitive and apparently love nothing more than to talk to me before class starts (which thing I love).

Thus, on the brink of a major fainting spell, I decided to just cancel class, if I could just ... stay ... coherent ... long ... enough to ... tell themmmmm ...

[BLACKNESS & HAPPINESS]

Next thing I know, Student 1 is holding my arm and Student 2 is asking if I've eaten anything that day and Student 3 is saying, "Carolyn, what can I do for you. Tell me what you need." and Student 4 is looking seriously freaked out of her mind.

I look around, realize what's just happened, and start laughing. I couldn't help myself, the whole thing was so ridiculous and so pathetic and so so funny. Then everyone started laughing.

They said I was just sitting there, slumped over at the podium, eyes open, not responding to anything. They said they thought at first that it was going to be an object lesson that they'd have to rhetorically analyze (so proud of them). Nope, just me and my fainting! They were such troopers and so kind to me.

And so then I taught the class! Ha, funny how your body can just reset itself like that--how a little black-time and a little clammy-sweat and suddenly you feel great!

And it's a good thing I did go on with the lesson because it produced this gem of a sentence (written by Student 1), with which we practiced comma usage:

"Carolyn really enjoys teaching her Writing 150 class, but sometimes class is so boring, even she falls asleep."

("--Before class even starts!" I chime in. To which they all good-heartedly laughed.)

life lately

Every weekend lately has felt like the best weekend of my life. How this is possible, I have absolutely no idea, but somehow each one trumps the one before. This results in me living in a constant state of utter content.

Oh, and by "weekend," I mean Friday through Tuesday. Incredible.

Frinstance:
1 Another photo-drive up the canyon with Andrea early early Friday morning. The fog was nestled down in the valley.
2 A Friday night football game...which means I definitely made other plans--other plans which included playing my accordion, practicing French, reading a really delightful book about French culture, and otherwise sitting in my bed and doing exactly what I wanted to do. Lame, you say? Perfect I say.
3 Saturday morning adventures--first a breakfast of buckwheat pancakes with cinnamon syrup (!) followed by berrypicking and a good chat with a farmer and a friend. On the way home we had an impromptu flea market raid, where I found a lovely little ring that fits my finger perfectly and that might be fake but that I have a sneaky suspicion actually isn't.
4 Getting a new hard drive so my computer runs licketysplit instead of sloooowwwwwww
5 Naps
6 The post office lady calling to let me know the latest volume of Kinfolk has come for me and she'd like to know where to deliver it (such service!)
7 Monday night dinner group was tacos. There doesn't exist a faster way to make me happy than tacos.
8 And then we did what we we've been doing every Monday night as of late--bundled in our blankets, laid under the big tree, and listened to "This American Life."

As if all this wasn't enough, today is Tuesday, aka: heaven day. I have no classes, no appointments, no nothing. So I sleep till I wake, go to yoga, then spend the day getting organized...like studying up to be a missionary and getting my car registered and making sure everything's square in the budget department and buying four boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios on sale for $1.88 each and eating them all day long.

Life's happy here.

(Oh one more thing: I dreamt this weekend that Ryan Gosling and I fell in love. In my dream, he was the kindest boyfriend in the entire world. I take this as a sign that Operation Get Carolyn a Date with Ryan might actually work and that we need to put it into effect ASAP. And no, I'm not kidding. It's real, people. And we're going to make it happen.)

music monday

1. "Call Me in the Afternoon" (Half Moon Run) *incredible video. Please watch.
2. "Life" (Avett Brothers)
3. "Cavalleria Rusticana--Intermezzo" (Pietro Mascagni)