whatalovely

gimme the love of an orc, ent, dwarf

2012-02-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

had a text message exchange (more like a lord of the rings showdown) with camille tonight. it started with her sending this picture:

camille:

carolyn: The day will come when the hearts of men will fail them. TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.

camille: FOORRRR FFRRRROOOODDDDOOO!!

carolyn: Do you remember the taste of strawberries?

camille: And the sound of water? Or the look of the Shire in the spring?

carolyn: It is mine to give...like my heaaart.

camille: Woah. New scene. Elvish: Thomah lea mein. English translation: I choose a mortal life.

carolyn: Oh sheesh. Please tell me you knew that off the top of your head. Okay, Entish: whaaahhohrrrghh...

camille: Very nice. Not nearly as good as my ring wraith though. Eeeeeeeeeee tleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

oh how i love having funny sisters.

(yes, the post title is an allusion to this song from who else but noah and his whale of a tale.)

fancy dinner

2012-01-30T01:10:00.002-07:00

(song: "blood" by the middle east)

there's something to be said--something beautiful to be said--about the quiet satisfaction,
the toasty-warm tranquility that comes from a slow evening with a few close friends--
the kind of evening where conversations, sensations, imaginations have room to grow.

our lives revolve at breakneck speeds around a sun of achievement and instant communication--
what "to-do's" can i check off today?
how many phone calls can i return?
the sun of facebook
the sun of email
the sun of 160-character text messages

but there's more than 160 characters inside of me.
character.
since when was such a thing quantifiable?
cramming all this character into that little box has been leaving me harried and thin.

we vaporize the most important parts of our being when we live at such breakneck speeds,
fueling distraction and feeding anxiety
when we could be cultivating togetherness, incubating creativity,
nurturing, nourishing.

and so we call it "fancy dinner":

friday night, five friends, five courses,
each carefully planned and tenderly prepared,
each enjoyed over four beautiful hours of talking, laughing, storytelling.

the food:

caprese & baguette

beets with citrus and fennel

pasta with shrimp

beans with almonds and bacon
balsamic asparagus

english trifle

the sole purpose of the evening was to enjoy the tastes of the table we'd spread,
to enjoy the people whose company we love,

an evening where we could close the whole world outside.
i champion small, heartfelt gatherings.
they remind me about the abundance of this wonderful world without and within each of us.

an alpine dinner

2012-01-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

i can still feel the crisp cool clean of that switzerland air in my nostrils.

you the orchard of my winter

2012-01-27T00:26:00.002-07:00

First- if you are in love - that's a good thing - that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second - There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you - of kindness, and consideration and respect - not only the social respect of manners but the greatest respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

(John Steinbeck, in a letter to his lovesick son)

(photo from a 7am project this morning with andrea. stay tuned!)

new year wish number {five}

2012-01-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

that fake mustaches were a socially acceptable accessory for women.

no, i'm not advocating cross-dressing. i just think they're kind of fun. sometimes i get tired of my same-old-face. a little mustache would be just the ticket. (or a big mustache, depending on my mood and the requirements of the day: formal? informal? party? dali?)

you the greenhouse of my humming

2012-01-18T23:35:00.001-07:00

he stocked geraniums.

she borrowed men foolish.

he the perfect gentleman,

she a light-hearted threat

to civilization.

in the greenhouse of his humming

she glowed.

that humming!

a breezy menace

to the impulse of her scowl

new year wish number {four}:

2012-01-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

sub(en)titled: the pains of being romantic at heart

a rooftop dinner party for two,

with evening wear and white lights,

maybe some norah jones in the background.

(sigh)

via

makin babies

2012-01-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

while not writing my thesis this morning, i stumbled across (read: intentionally sought out) a website that mashes up two faces to show what your babies would look like.

and obviously i've always thought me and gregory would have beautiful children. obviously.

and now there's proof:

wanna play?

2012-01-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

remember in elementary school when you'd have a saturday and you'd call your friend in the morning and say, "wanna come play at my house?"

it's been a while since i've gotten to see tucker, one of my favorite people and favorite friends. so he came over to my house and we played.

first we made crepes (ever had a bacon+avocado crepe? try it--they're amazing. or blackberries, bulbous and pulverized, purple all over the little pancake) and then we did some art--they're blackout poems inspired by artist tom phillips' "HUMUMENT". it goes like this: you take a page from an old book, then find a poem in it, then make art with the words you're not using.

how many boxes of cereal can you knock off the shelf?

2012-01-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

in one of his always-entertaining OpEds in TIME (of which I am a subscribed reader), Joel Stein wrote that this year was so bad, it made something called "planking" look cool.

props for a great line, Joel.

but now for the real treat. from the generation raised on 'randomness' as the cool commodity, the generation that invented a subculture off the idea of irony, the generation that turned a once-held belief that "awkward" means humiliating, painful, etc. into a a celebrated form of humor (see napoleon dynamite, et al) i present falling. (it's the new planking.)

on nathan

2012-01-07T22:05:00.001-07:00

as of late, there are a lot of nathans in the lives of me and my roommates. in fact, the number of nathans we know has doubled in the last two weeks. this is not only overwhelming, but also really confusing.

first, my brother's name is nathan. one time i was talking about going home with my brother-nathan for the holidays, and all the while my roommates thought i was talking about going home with my non-brother-nathan. they were very confused/offended that i was apparently having a clandestine romance with non-brother-nathan and not telling them about it.

second, non-brother-nathan, who--let's face it--has been one of my closest and favorite people for quite some time.

this year, there's also a boy in the ward named nate. he is tall and eats pomegranates.

then, there's nate from seattle who meredith knows,

nate who just moved in next door who wears rastafari wigs to dance parties,

and nathan who one of my roommates is writing whilst on his mission.

last, there's nathan who is PhDing and plays the trombone.

needless to say, any conversation featuring a "nathan" is hopelessly muddied by this labyrinthine entanglement brought about by too many nathans. so we've opted for nicknames--nicknames created through free association.

we started with nathan from texas:

TEXAS = LONGHORNS

LONGHORNS courtney misheard as LONG HAUL

which i misunderstood as LONG HALL

or, you might say, CORRIDOR

but seeing as CORRIDOR's a silly nickname, we shortened it to COREY

which meredith mistook as QUARRY

and QUARRY = DIAMONDS,

which courtney then associated with ENGAGEMENT

and everyone knows that ENGAGEMENT = Fiancé !

(could this be a sign?!)

but alas, Fiancé rhymes with BEYONCE,

and the only plausible association that follows BEYONCE is

SINGLE LADIES.

foiled again.

at any rate, single or no, it looks like we've got a good 12 names for nathan from texas. and if i do my math right, that means that by the time this whole nicknathanaming process is over, we should have at least 84 names to draw from--none of which are nathan.

and this is how we simplify here in apartment five.

WORD

2012-01-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

KNOWSY: nosy but in a good way. as in you know a lot of stuff.

origin: jake corkin, cerca january 6, 2012

common usage: "Jake, you're kinda nosy!" "No, I'm KNOWSY!"

new year wish number {three}

2012-01-05T01:00:00.001-07:00

that men could wear fedoras again without looking creepy. in fact, i wish that men wore fedoras everywhere. and suits.

last first day of school

2012-01-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

there are some days when the blessings are so rich around me and so overflowing i can't help but smile everywhere i go.

to think!
i got to take a creative nonfiction class last semester with some of my favorite people in this whole wide universe!
to think!
i get to teach students how to write and have them trust me and my opinion!
to think!
i have mangoes at home and a cousin who stayed the night and new music to listen to and interesting books to read and new essays to write.
to think!
everywhere i walk, it seems, there are people i know--professors, friends, old students, colleagues--who know my name and smile when they see me.

such are my feelings every first day of school.
and this is my last first day of school!
(at least in the foreseeable future)
this is achingly sad to me,
which only dredges up from the depths past memories of this BYUtiful place (i know, cheesy. but awesome) and deepens my joy at being here,
if even for a short time more.

love poem

2012-01-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

Divining if you do or no
is like a Puritan seeking signs of her election.
I turn to a witch.

The forest of your heart, sylvan & cedar,
exculpates this wandering.
The birds are echoes.

Then, as if in rewind, the leaves float
up on back to their branches,
reattach by nubs, grow green & young.

This heart to valley,
I am still.

new year wish number {two}

2012-01-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

someone to whisper secrets to

music crushes, 2011

2012-01-03T00:56:00.001-07:00

one time, my friend nick, a real music guru if there ever was one, said he'd marry eisley's voice if he could. i've had a good handful of music loves this year...come to think of it, i probably hear their voices at least daily. how often can you say that about a person--that you hear their voice daily? good thing their voices are so loveable...

in chronological order, and for your listening pleasure, i'm coming clean--admitting all my [musical] crushes of the year. dear men featured here, your voices are beautiful. they've made the melodic fabric of my visions and of my imagination for the last 365 days. i would marry each and every one of your blessed voices.

ROBIN PECKNOLD

of FLEET FOXES

the following song first debuted at music at ten, courtesy of jake who's always up on stuff like new songs available for free download. totally enamored of fleet foxes' first album, i downloaded A-SAP, then proceeded, michael-style, to listen to nothing other than this one song, on repeat, for everyday. late one night, after the fort days of february, i was sitting in the dark with friends (this sounds very hipster. it wasn't. just bored and enjoying music. on the floor. in the dark. okay fine, it was totally hipster.). i accidentally switched itunes to visualizer mode and thus opened a new world of wonder! first, the colors of the visualizer are rainbow. second, the explosions and vibrancy of said rainbow shapes are synced with the rhythm and intensity of the music! there are some things words cannot explain. not many, but some. this is one of them. try it. download the song, switch to "jelly" mode in visualizer, turn off all the lights, turn up all the speakers. mesmerizing, enchanting, captivating, hypnotizing, ensorcelling, bewitching. not to mention the whole bit about orchards.

oh and then i saw fleet foxes specifically robin pecknold perform in london. in a theatre with all the seats removed, with amazing acoustics. and when that first riff of sun giant rippled acoustic through the crowd....silence and harmony and perfect music. there aren't many moments of perfect music in your life. that was one of them.

MARCUS OLIVER JOHNSTON MUMFORD

of MUMFORD & SONS

ohhh, marcus mumford. where ever did you come from. i don't even remember how i found you... but oh your voice like honey from the alps, oh your stomping like a party underground! this was what caught my eye:

this is what endeared me to you (specifically at "rage" (1:36) and at 4:10 when you may or may not be crying):

and this is why i keep listening:

MATT BERNINGER

of THE NATIONAL

when i listen to this, i am walking to portobello road, through kensington gardens. i am ordering curry at the shop around the corner. i am sitting next to preston and andrea at the gloucester tube stop, on our way through the evening to the national theatre stopping for galaxy bars and cadburys with hazelnuts. i am walking the bridge to the globe. i'm running back to my flat and bedroom after class, my bedroom that smells like humidity, grabbing two clif bars, and meeting everyone at the door for the day's gallavantings. i am riding to the victoria stop singing, "squalor victoria." i am on the train to scotland, i am at primark, i am walking to portobello road, through kensington gardens. his voice is the sound of london--the rain, the busses, the rooftops over queen's gate terrace while i wait for my laundry to dry.

CHARLIE FINK

of NOAH AND THE WHALE

charlie was my other london lover. he came across europe with me too, hiked up to murren with diana and i, made me rethink my loving. other than that his lyrics are sheer and utter brilliance, i have nothing to say.

JUSTIN VERNON

of BON IVER

okay so this crush is no new revelation (or crispy realization, if you know what i'm saying), ever since that first night at dinner group, sooo many years ago, when amanda g. queen of the world and i listened to "for emma, forever ago" three times straight through while making enchiladas...that's how long this crush has been existent. but i didn't truly recognize the depth to which my affections ran until i was sitting on a bed, overlooking a bay on the italian coast, listening to "towers" for the first time, not knowing who the artist was. that song left me with mouth wide open, giggling and shaking my head, like a new dream that is so familiar in its perfection, but so captivating that every note is both a revelation and an ancient promise you've known all along. this song is the naked waves blue and glistening.

i chose to post the version with only the album cover. the others have too much to look at and it takes away from the unexpected delight of unexpected words like "onus" and "swampy", "towers" and "honeycomb," and how they weave their way together into an impossibly tangled and impossibly delicate world, building itself around you with every line.

ZACHARY FRANCIS CONDON

of BEIRUT

this romance started way back last summer 2010 with "postcards from italy." it continued, obsessed and unashamed, to this fall, when i discovered this gem and couldn't stop singing it/thinking about it/whistling it/playing it/thinking about it more.

and then i read about zachary and how cool he is, and now i mostly want to marry his voice AND him, not to mention every one of his albums, and whoever the guy is who plays the horns (seriously awesome, guy).

if i had more time and it wasn't an hour and a half past my new-year's-resolution bedtime, i'd talk about all the words these men have written that i've punched out, letter by letter, so many times in the typewriter-that-is-my-brain that they're embedded deep, deep in what i believed this year. words like

gold hair in the sunlight, my light in the dawn. if i had an orchard, i'd work till i'm sore.

and

so now i've grown older than my mother and father when they had their daughter. now what does that say about me?

serve God, love me, and mend.

and

i could see for miles, miles, miles

if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own. don't break his heart.

when love comes a-calling, don't forget the tune.

love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free! be more like the man you were made to be.

and still, the sweet london march, through side-streets new and unexplored:

stay out super late tonight, picking apples, making pies

this seemed to be the year of songs that break-down halfway through into their real selves. "helplessness blues," "sigh no more," "postcards from italy," "fake empire," "towers." they all do it. and come to think of it, this seemed to be the year that broke me down halfway through into my real self. broke down the "what i thought i wanted to be" so the "what i really want to be" could come out, foot-stomping, accordion-squeezing, orchard-picking and all. broke down so that my real dreams (like maybe ditching academia for creating my own path) could be colorful and promising and adventurous.

...get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

new year wish number {one}

2012-01-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

someone to have adventures with, someone with whom to walk to the sea.

christmas lately

2011-12-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

the last few days have been nice and cozy, and full of christmas festivities...

an italian dinner with family

time at temple square, in the joseph smith memorial building

the nutcracker with the sisters

hot chocolate by the fire

and the first snowfall of the christmas season!

calisthenics and mile thursday

2011-12-21T00:00:00.001-07:00

when i was in seventh grade we had to run the mile every thursday. i dreaded that day all week every week.

i love this video for so many reasons. watch it before you read more.

the freckles,
the puddles,
the train,
the yell-singing,
the heart pumping,
the fireworks.

i want to be friends with every one of these kids,
that last boy especially.
keep running, kid.

writing tip of the day: love you some math

2011-12-20T16:34:00.003-07:00

when writing something that requires intense logic (like, say, a THESIS), turn it into a math equation.

ASSUMPTION:
M is believed to be true romantic love.

VARIABLES:
M=Hermia & Lysander's relationship, believed to be true romantic love
x=Ovid's Pyramus and Thisbe myth
x=true romantic love
Shakespeare's rendition of Pyramus and Thisbe myth=1/x (in other words, it is an inverse. the Shakespeare rendition is a reversal, as it turns all of Ovid's moments of sincerity into farce.)

FUNCTIONS:
The mathematical function of MULTIPLICATION means that one thing acts itself upon all the parts of the other thing. (Instance: 3 x 5 = upon every part of the number "3" (1+1+1), 5 enacts itself: (5+5+5), therefore 3 x 5 = 15.)

PROOF:
(M)(1/x)=1/M.
Therefore, when Shakespeare's Pyramus and Thisbe myth is enacted upon Hermia and Lysander's relationship, it shows the assumption as false: M is not true romantic love.

PROOF:
M=1/x (meaning they are set beside each other as a equals, for the purpose of comparing, which is what Shakespeare does in act V.)
This yields x=1/M.
Therefore when set side by side, "true love"=inverse of Hermia & Lysander's relationship.

Therefore, when Shakespeare's rendition of the Pyramus and Thisbe myth is acted (yes, double meaning) upon or beside the Hermia and Lysander relationship, it reverses the meaning of the relationship, such that what was believed to be true love is exposed as the inverse of that: FALSE LOVE.

This is especially helpful because it reveals holes in your thinking. For instance, wouldn't 1/x turn anything upside-down, even healthy relationships? I think there are more variables than what I've figured out here. Also the definition of multiplication I have used here should also work in reverse ("5" broken into parts = 1+1+1+1+1, and when each of those parts, acted upon by the "3" (3+3+3+3+3) still yields the same result). So how does Hermia and Lysander's relationship act itself upon all the parts of Ovid's myth? This is going to be one I keep thinking on...

Please, let me know if you have mathematical insights, as it's been some ******* years since I've taken a math class. (Although I will say this: senior year of high school, much to my utter surprise (and the surprise of all my fellow Gural-classmates) I somehow got the math prize of the year. I still to this day think it was a big mix-up. But mix-up or no, I got the SWEET book pictured above.)

and this one's on love

2011-12-19T22:45:00.008-07:00

wanna know what happened at my house tonight?

remember this scene? mr. collins comes to propose to elizabeth? remember how in the background, elizabeth's mom and four sisters are peeking through the door and listening? yeah, that's what happened tonight. okay, not so much the proposing part, just the part about my entire family looking on while an eligible bachelor visited. he is eligible because he is about my same age and single. not because he's, you know, interested, or because we've gone on a date, or come to think about it ever even had a conversation. but still: same age and single=eligible.

it was horrendous.

dating is bad enough without having your whole family (aka: mom and four sisters) watching, secretly thinking, "oh my gosh he could be the ONE!"

gag.

so here's a post to dating.

the beautiful courtney posted this quote, from one of our favorite recently-found articles on the subject. we wanted to shout this article from the rooftops but couldn't find a way to get up there. so it looks like she's taking the blog-post avenue and i'm going to follow suit. it comes from a site called, "the art of manliness" so you know this guy means business. the quote goes like this:

A lot of men today don't seem to believe it, but getting hitched to the right woman is a very desirable thing. So while there is nothing wrong with hanging out, it's not a replacement for dating. Dating is the pathway to finding your true love and eventually settling down and getting married. Marriage is a one-on-one relationship, so you need to start getting to know women on a one-on-one basis. You might be hanging out with her and your friends right now, but if you don't take her on a date, she'll forever be just your friend. So, start dating and stop hanging out.

now please understand: this is not meant in any sense as an indictment of the boys in my life. i think for the most part the boys i know are pretty first class. but it has given me a chance to think through some things, the first of which being that i know there are a lot of merits to hanging out. let's think about them for a sec:

1) you get to see what the person is like in everyday, casual situations. sometimes you can formally date someone for months and never see this side, and when you finally do you're so shocked, it's hard to recover from.

2) hanging out is low pressure, which, for those people who are timid or shy or need wingmen, can be really comforting and help them to be themselves.

3) hanging out is cheaper than dating. and i'm being serious here--it's got to be hard to be the boy and have to spend hard-earned money to go on date after date with girls, especially if those girls string you along or aren't upfront enough with you to tell you they aren't interested before spending your money.

4) when you're in that liminal space between serious heartbreak and being open to love again, hanging out can be a good transition. you gain confidence being true to yourself again, you are able to be with people (and thus stave off the loneliness) in a safe way, and typically you can laugh a lot--hanging out doesn't really lend itself to serious conversations, which are often the last thing your heavy heart can take after major trauma.

BUT

aren't serious conversations beautiful? aren't those when you feel like someone is really validating who you are, seeing things as you do, stretching themselves to understand who you are? isn't that where true friendship--friendship, not even relationship--comes in, when you've spent enough one-on-one time with another person that you know how they tick? how they think? how they feel about things? that never comes out--not really--in hanging out. all you learn are things like what their favorite youtube videos are and how many doughnuts they can eat in one sitting.

maybe i'm nuts, but i really want to know people better than that.

i really want to know (name of any eligible young man) better than that.

and that doesn't even necessarily mean going to dinner, or ice skating, or any other Formal Date. it just means being one-on-one with each other. getting to know each other away from the crowd.

the other contention i have with hanging out (and this is wholly and entirely a personal problem, not one i extend to other people) is that hanging out usually leaves me feeling self-conscious. hanging out often feels like a game of king of the hill--who can get the most laughs, who has the best dance moves, who can dominate the conversation for the longest amount of time. it is never the quiet people that you get to know well when hanging out. this is a little known fact about me, but inside i think of myself as one of the quiet people. from years of pushing myself off the wallflower wall at dances and forcing myself to go to parties i didn't really want to go to, from years of talking myself into telling jokes or personal stories in "hang-out" scenarios, i've learned to mask the shyness inside. i've learned to be okay if the group doesn't laugh at my jokes, or if we go a whole evening without anyone really trying to sustain conversation with me (or without anyone responding positively when i try to sustain conversation with them)--it's all just part of hanging out, and i understand that. it's part of the comfort and ease of the thing.

but that doesn't necessarily mean i walk away from hangouts feeling super good about my social skills, or about my value to the people in my life. i'm just another one of the girls, just another friend in a vast world of friends. on dates, however, for those couple of hours, you feel like the most interesting, funny, or pretty person, because that boy clearly thought you were cool enough to get to know better. dates make you feel appreciated, even if only in a small way. in hanging out, that doesn't happen--you don't feel like you're especially interesting, funny, pretty, clever, or anything. you're just another one in the crowd.

now, i know a boy who would say this is all ridiculous--this teaching yourself to be more outgoing than you are naturally, this whole caring what the crowd thinks. he'd say, "i don't want to go to some lame dance. i don't want to go to some lame party. i'm not into talking to groups of people." see, he does exactly what he wants to do. i'm entirely enamoured by this idea. i'm fairly confident he will never read this so i feel like i can air some info: in fourth grade, i had a crush on him. this crush continued on and off for more or less my entire adolescence. this kid is uber-kool. we're talking he could have a pompadour and everyone around him would suddenly wonder why they didn't have one too. in fact, i'm fairly certain that he was the one who gave bruno mars the idea. --------------------------------->

and if fedoras are ever going to make a comeback (which is one of my christmas wishes), Kid's our only hope. i wish i was content enough with myself that i too could say, "psh, forget all them people. i don't care." unfortunately we all (or maybe just i) can't be as kool-with-a-k-cool as Kid. and i mean this sincerely: i admire his confidence.

and when i leave hangouts and feel self-conscious, like that i'm unfunny and uninteresting and un__(adjective)__, that maybe my conversation skills are just so boring that i'm shocked anyone would want to hang out with me at all, i remember what, funny enough, the quote from earlier brought up: that "marriage is a one-on-one relationship." maybe i'm not built to be the queen of hangingout-cool. in fact i'm purrrdy sure i'm not (although i'm always and probably forever will be jealous of the people who are hangingout-cool). instead, i'm built to make a commitment to one person who thinks i'm the funniest and the interestingest and the prettiest and all that jazz, and the majority of our lives aren't going to be spent hanging out as friends in large groups of people. (at least hopefully not.) the majority of our life together will be us building us--just the two of us--and growing closer and closer, and building a quiet, funny, beautiful, adventurous, secret, happy little life together. and despite our 21st century social models putting a premium on who can be the "funnest" in a group of hangout-ers, i say i'm happy and content just to be working on being a better one-on-one person. i think that'll serve me and Mr. Husband so much better.

{magic of the season}: black tie white christmas evening party

2011-12-17T02:23:00.000-07:00

And the night shall be filled with music, 

And the cares that infest the day 

Shall fold their tents like the Arabs 

And as silently steal away. 

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

i think i'm a pretty luck girl, to have such great friends who like to dress up and bring hors d'oeuvres and play fancy for an evening.

this is the fourth year we've held this evening party, can you believe it!

every year new friends come and old friends come and everyone gets to meet each other and laugh and remember what good friends we have.

this year we even had a slow dance, courtesy of meredith and alex!

i'm so grateful for all these people who make my life merry & bright.

no shave november

2011-12-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

focus on your ability. {finals week '11}

2011-12-14T22:31:00.001-07:00

got shackles on,
my words are tied

fear can make you compromise

fast enough
it's hard to hide

sometimes
i
want
to

d
i
s
a
p
p
e
a
r

funny boys

2011-12-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

i have certain male friends that almost nightly get us to the point of tears from laughing so much, what with their shenanigans. i've decided to start documenting these moments.

tonight, bobby swam through one leg of jimmy's swim trunks at the hottub, while jimmy was wearing them. the swim trunks were quite stretchy, you see. but bobby still got stuck.

WORD

2011-12-07T23:32:00.001-07:00

"highfalutin."

pronounced by my friend as "high-FAL-you-tin."

correctly pronounced "high-fuh-LOO'-in."

he refuses to pronounce it correctly because he says it makes him sound like a backwoods hick.

this is especially hilarious to me,
given that "highfalutin" means pretentious and pompous,
and that the reason for said friend's mispronunciation is because he is too pompous/pretentious to pronounce it the correct way.

(endless giggling)

{magic of the season}: music!

2011-12-07T09:33:00.001-07:00

last christmas i did a lot of listening to this great free album called "hey it's christmas!"

and what do you know,

this year these wonderful people put out another one!

also free, also beautiful.

(i mean, would you look at this album art? that alone should convince you to download.)

favorites include silent night and little drummer boy.

download here: http://heyitschristmas.com

*other music fixes lately include:

spotify (which is currently blowing my face off it's so cool)

and

les concerts a emporter (i could spend hours on here)

and

buying a guitar strap. finally. which has resulted in me spending too much time wandering around the apartment troubadour-style singing josh ritter to my roommates

{magic of the season}: to those feeling down on their luck, hope, time, and desire to be in the library for one second further

2011-12-06T15:27:00.001-07:00

Christmas

coming.

thank you everyone!

2011-12-05T12:03:00.002-07:00

thanks to all for your help with the pictures! i ended up submitting these three:

now for the crossing of the fingers and such

happy monday!

photo competition SLASH plea for help

2011-12-05T01:34:00.001-07:00

dear people who want to have a voice in this world we live in,

i'm entering a photo competition for "compelling" photos that capture the cultural essence of an experience abroad.

i aim to win.

all.

the.

prizes.

i can only submit three photos.

i've whittled the 3700 down to six (pathetic, i know. trigger happy i am.)

SO.

if you were a judge for a photo competition, which three would you say are the strongest?

(and i need feedback by noon so comment-up!)

now for an incentive:

if i happen to win thanks to your judicial comments, i will bring you a helium balloon with a smiley face drawn in permanent marker on it.

by me.

thanks world! sure love ya!

{magic of the season}: jazzy shoes

2011-12-01T19:49:00.001-07:00

what i learned today:

it is impossible to listen to this song while wearing these shoes and not dance everywhere i go.

grateful

2011-11-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

making rolls

bacon-wrapped waterchestnuts & aprons

i saw a girl on campus this week who didn't have her left arm. i got to thinking what that would be like. if i didn't have a left arm, i think i'd dream dream dream of what it would be like to have one. it is something so simple--something that everyone has--but that one car accident could claim or one blip in my dna could have prevented. and for it then to be impossible to ever have one... king lear, over his daughter's dead body, cries, "this feather stirs; she lives! if it be so, it is a chance which does redeem all sorrows that ever i have felt." i imagine i'd have dreams sometimes of waking up with an arm, or of scientific miracles that'd make it possible to attach one perfectly.

that is an unparalleled happiness! for something impossible to suddenly be given to you, something you've waited and dreamed for. getting that arm would be a source of total joy and gratitude for the rest of my life.

and here i am, two arms, two legs, good hearing, good eyes, both parents and all siblings alive and healthy, a warm warm bed and good good food, money in the bank. i do not have diabetes, or cancer, or wheat or dairy allergies. my family who i love loves me too. i know who i am, i love God, who also knows who i am and loves me.

how am i not in a constant state of constant excitement?

what a joy this thing life is.

"there is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. the thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. remember scrooge, time is short, and suddenly, you're not here any more."

happy birthday grandma, or why i love my family

2011-11-12T23:19:00.001-07:00

october 9th, we had a birthday part for my grandma.
this is what it felt like.

i love her for so many reasons.

she is kind

and ladylike.

extremely intelligent,

but never self-applauding.

oh that i can be like her when i am grown.

a gentleman's game

2011-11-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

let me just say i wasn't expecting it either.

i mean, sure. i hide around corners to jump out at my roommates and shoot them with my finger-guns (pew!pew!). yes, once i army-crawled up an entire flight of stairs just to get a clear shot at courtney before she turned around. and true, i do have an uncanny familiarity with the flight plans in star wars (the original 3) and the attack tactics (say that one out loud) in mission impossible, lord of the rings, and home alone.

so maybe that explains it.

("it" being that in a vicious game of laser tag this monday, i had 46 kills (16 of them being my brother), got 45,849 points, and placed second--second only to a legitimate policeman. you know. no big.)

ya'll better run.

via

monday maintenance

2011-11-07T13:36:00.006-07:00

favorite moment of the week:

hottub wednesday. hands down. i had forgotten how nice hottubbing is! this will need to be a repeat for sure.

gentlemen of the week:

1. a certain gentleman, upon seeing my feet turn lily-white from the cold of the church room, took off his wool socks and let me wear them. later he told me he has athlete's foot, so i guess that'll be fun.

2. a certain gentleman, upon realizing that he could wrestle me to the ground to retrieve the glove i'd stolen from his apartment (more on that forthcoming), instead opened the front door for me and said, "go ahead. it's yours."

3. a certain gentleman, upon wearing a green knitted sweater that made him look oh so huggable, let me hug him.

4. a certain gentleman, namely my father, the most gentleman of them all, took me to my favorite thai restaurant for lunch, wherest we enjoyed lovely conversation, as we always do, my dad and i.

adventures of the weekend:

--wrote a song about a window washer

--slid down stairs in a sleeping bag

--friend went to e.r. for apendectomy

--stole gloves from people, as part of the great glove heist, 2011, in which our entire ward/neighborhood is trying to steal gloves from each other's apartments. how many have we stolen, you ask? that's classified.

--saw an [airsoft] shooting (as part of said glove heist). the crime reel from my window:

yep. things gettin pretty dangerous round here.

a haunted dinner party

2011-10-30T23:59:00.000-06:00

we like throwing parties around here.

lately i've been toying with the idea of dinner parties--

how they bring people together,

how they are just structured enough that people who are total strangers can come together and talk like they've known each other for years.

(for some excellent literature on this idea, read this)

so we put it to the test:

we invited a hodge-podge of friends from here and there,

very few of whom knew each other,

decorated the house all up,

and called it a haunted dinner party!

on the eve of all hallow's eve.

candles galore,

cobwebs hanging from the chandeliers,

burnt name plates

fancy folded napkins

and an exceptionally scary songlist

all was set for a truly ghastly affair.

(all thanks to some expert party-planners. read: roommates & mr. mcintosh)

even my sweet little typewriter got spooked.

the guests arrived, terrifying and morbid:

and then we dined:

french onion soup

salad with carolann's amazing almond brown sugar dressing

meatloaf hand

mini stuffed peppers

caramel popcorn balls

and best of all, at the end of the dinner, we told ghost stories.

(please notice all the orbs in these pictures--i guess we were visited by more than just spooky dinner guests!)

leaf me in heber

2011-10-29T23:52:00.000-06:00

friday night i escaped my homework, job, dating, and all other forms of stress,

and rosie, my darling darling sister, and i drove up to heber to be with my cousins.

we ate grapes and cheese ball on crackers and hummus on pita

so warm in our truck,

so dark in the canyon.

we played games all night and laughed and laughed

and in the morning we made german pancakes and butter-caramel syrup

and raked raymon's whole lawn so we could jump in the piles and have leaf fights.

and death in the leaves.

trippe it like a lady in the finest fashion

2011-10-27T22:18:00.000-06:00

Every woman can take on a new beauty, a new charm, if she will practice lightness on her feet, will wear her clothes rightly, and will carry her accessories as well as her arms and head in a graceful and smart manner. As for me, I am practicing, and one of these days I am going to hear someone say, to my back, or course, "Isn't she charming? She has the carriage of royalty, the poise of a princess...Truly charming, truly charming."

--Marilyn Madison, Inspiration, October 1925

(found in Vintage Notions, p 182, during my tuesday detox

of wandering through the library shelves)

women whose innate poise i envy:

via

now a word on my posture. it is getting worse and worse. a short history:
1998-2000: in ballet, my teacher made us hold cans of beans or corn or soup out to our side at the barre to strengthen our posture.

2002: i remember once in high school, sitting on a church pew four children down from my mother, and she looked over at me and started laughing because she said my posture was so bad. (apparently when not in ballet class i really let myself go.)

2004: then i came to college and dated a guy two inches shorter than me. (man how i loved him.) i think i lost 3/4 of an inch of all that lovely ballerina posture trying to shrink to his height. it was subconscious of course, but when you spend every second next to someone inches shorter than you, you kinda start to shrink to be closer to where they are. (*sigh* romantic, no?)

2007: then there was the ogio backpack that i got for my internship in samoa. that thing ruined any semblance of hope for regaining that 3/4 inch. and i'm sure studying english (read: at least three books with you at all times) didn't do much to rectify said posture either.

this week, 2011: every time i sit down to read, write, or type, i find myself moving into what i will call the turtle posture. it looks something like me with my shoulders pulled up to my ears, spine in a perfect C curve, head poking out like a chicken. in other words, no wonder i haven't gotten a library date in a while. (jk i've never gotten a date from the library. alas.)

so we staged an intervention. following the instructions of Marilyn Madison (quoted above), we four girls (the lovely three i live with) stood in a circle, feet 4-6 inches apart, and whispered lovely words for 5 solid minutes. words like "boulevard" and "delightful" and "fountain" and "mellifluous." (yes, this was part of the instructions: "heels 4 to 6 inches apart...hands in front of you...stand still five minutes. remember, no shifting or wiggling. what to do for the five minutes. think beautiful thoughts.")

now, i can't say it's gotten my posture to the "charming" point yet, but i have been eavesdropping on the people walking behind me, in the off chance one of them notices the 3/4 inch i'm reclaiming.

(title of this post brought to you by Stephen Gosson's 16th century instruction on reading. thank you english master's program.)

frosted windowpanes...

2011-10-26T22:19:00.002-06:00

last night i made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and listened to karen carpenter for the first time this season.

let the games begin! i am so warm and cozy in my nutmeg&cloves kitchen and fire-red knitted socks,

i can hardly stand it.

photo via

life lately: the fall edition

2011-10-24T23:43:00.001-06:00

there are two weeks in october that are the most fragile weeks of all.

this year, mine have been something like frosty jugs of frozen apple cider straight from the orchard

pecks and pecks of sun-warm peaches

baskets of vegetables from my mom's garden

and falling asleep holding my harmonica

while dreaming about my next major purchase...

(gasp!) a murder mystery at manavu estates!

2011-10-22T22:31:00.000-06:00

there was a dinner.

there was a murder.

six weapons

nine rooms

and one murderer.

six suspects...

...all impeccably dressed, if i may say so.

we spent the evening giving riddles and getting clues,

guessing at murderers and weapons and rooms,

and when it all came down to it,

i was the murderer after all! (mrs. peacock! who'da thought! with the candlestick of course.)

what a fun night--a chance to get to know new people,

a chance to dress up and play a part so so removed from how we live today

that i can't help but be totally enamored and enchanted

by the fringes

and the coiffed hair,

the fedoras and suitcoats,

and of course, the special appearance by the newsies (& a pilot from the great war)!

it seems to me that deep down all we really want is a chance to dress up and have a party!

and say jake, what a party it was!

a love letter

2011-10-22T20:52:00.001-06:00

did you know that this kid dropped out of high school at fifteen because it wasn't challenging him, and instead moved to paris with his brother? he learned french and listened to french chansons and learned every instrument he could.

and now here he is: writing every part of every song--sometimes up to 15 instruments--and touring the world and making albums inspired by Eastern European gypsy music and 1907 photos of the hot air balloon festival in Paris.

i can't get enough.

(info above found here and here)

a new title for my blog?

2011-10-19T00:58:00.000-06:00

tonight, whilst discussing how so many blogs end in something like "diaries" or "dialogues", my roommate courtney said: "we should start a blog called the diarialogues."

please say it outloud.

best. idea. ever.

if i had an orchard...

2011-10-18T22:39:00.000-06:00

if i had an orchard and a week to escape,
i would sit beneath the trees and learn french.

french is the cage and my heart is the bird.

monday maintenance

2011-10-17T11:52:00.003-06:00

things i am proud of myself for last week:

not blogging for a whole week because i was too consumed in writing PROSPECTUS (all caps because it is both a proper noun and an exclamation). good job not getting distracted.
breaking into my roommate's car when she locked her keys in there. she had been working on it for an hour+. i mean, not to brag, but people i am really good at unlocking keys-locked-inside cars.
getting out of bed this morning at 5:39 to grade papers. i have had a nigh pathetic history this semester of getting up in the mornings to work on teaching projects. not this morning! this morning i won.

pretty things i made last week:

a hat. we're having a life-size Clue game for our halloween party, and i've been asked to be Miss Peacock. so obviously i needed a hat. that's right philip treacy, look out. (and a picture of mr. green also for good measure. look at the 'stache!)

goals for the week:

spend time in the canyon 'mongst the leaves so bright and orange.
WORK HARD. i emailed the designer of a favorite magazine and asked her advice for someone who wants to live an art-infused life. she has created so many projects i admire. she said, "basically i just work really hard." my first thoughts: how could i be working any harder than i am? i already have nary a spare second every day! how am i supposed to add more projects on? not that i don't want to, it's just that i don't have time...and yet i'm clearly not working as hard as she must be to be as productive as she has been. and then it hit me: working hard is different than working long. my work should be like a can of orange juice concentrate, rather than like three gallons of watered down oj. usually my work's the watered down variety--i spend all day "working" but consolidated, it'd probably = two.point.five hours of solid, serious work. so thus, this week, i'm working on the quality of my work time.

and a music video for this monday:

ladies and gentlemen, zach condon.

urgent the way wanderlust is urgent,

charming the way a double-breasted suitcoat is.

boldhearted & swooning,

like a 3/4 waltz rhythm that takes you out of the room and into a little boat in the middle of a lulling and late september bay.

preview: scott & kirsten's wedding

2011-10-10T01:33:00.000-06:00

got to go to the most lovely wedding this weekend.

(i mean, look at that dress! not to mention that the groom is pulling off a fedora like it's no big deal!)

more pictures forthcoming.

on true love

2011-10-08T11:43:00.002-06:00

and when i say true love, i of course mean love for things like planning parties and making music videos.

because here's the thing.
i like reading.
i like writing papers.
i like talking about the ideas i find in the reading and in the writing.

HOWEVER.

i LOVE planning parties.
i LOVE making music videos.
i LOVE my being with my roommates.

i would give up sleeping, eating, and reading to do any of the above activities.
which, i mean, if that isn't love what is it?
(silence, those of you who are saying it is procrastination or laziness.)

proof that i love these things? i stayed up until 6 a.m. last wednesday night/thursday morning making a 2 minute video. and i couldn't have been happier/more content/more refusing of going to bed (which is saying something BIG if you know anything about my fierce tenacity to sleeping 8 hours.) i then woke up at 9am and had one of the best days in a long time.

now, it might be one thing if this were just something i am experiencing on my own.
HOWEVER, i learned in TIME last week that joseph gordon-levitt dropped out of school because he thought, "hmm. i could be in class learning about the theory behind videos, OR i could be at home MAKING videos." and thus he began his brilliance.

so, world, forgive me if sometimes i want to give up the learning about living for the actual living itself. the actual creating. the actual relationship-building, beauty-making, inspirational crap i love love love to procrastinate things like "papers" with.

to-do lists: a new approach

2011-10-05T19:34:00.000-06:00

all my life i've been making to-do lists. currently they are stressing me out. i think of one thing i need to do, and then another more important thing, and then another and before you know it, i'm buried in things that are all important, but important in different ways, and i can't figure out how to start undigging myself. a) because the sheer amount makes me dread even starting. b) because i can't decide where to begin. so i'm stuck in perpetual list-making.

so instead of a to-do list, on this rainy-outside cozy-inside night in which i am letting myself do whatever i would like, i am creating a new kind of list. i shall call it:

All the Fun Things I Could Do Right Now:

polish rulon myres' interview
edit wedding pictures
add that cool little "books i've read" section onto my blog
write my thesis
read essays for my creative nonfiction class
comments on friends' essays
try to find a female translator of ovid in the renaissance
write about europe
paint my toenails
close down all the tabs open in my browser (38 tabs currently)
call my friend to come play speed scrabble with me
read from cabin fever, the book i chose to review for class that just so happens to be a perfect fit for me
drive up the canyon and see the leaves

and best yet, what if instead of prioritizing them by due dates or by importance in terms of my degree, what if i prioritized them by which ones i want to do the most, at the very moment that i am trying to decide the next way to spend my time? how would that work as a life paradigm? would i get more done, or less? i suppose that maybe the things i really don't want to do, despite my attempts to rosey them up with titles like "Fun Things I Could Do", would still be left undone. so maybe for the majority of my how-to-spend-my-time decisions, i should do the things that are essential first. but for tonight, just for tonight, i'm going to be productive but let my heart choose in which directions.

and direction number one just might include a mug of hot cocoa and pajahmas.

WORD

2011-10-03T13:27:00.000-06:00

now take the word elegy, for one. that is a word that sounds the exact opposite of what it means.

elegy: a mournful or melancholic poem, usually sung at a funeral.

are you kidding me? elegy? say it. the word is so graceful and dainty! if i had my wordy-way, "elegy" would mean "a delicate, whimsical song. like the laughter of fairies, or skipping through fields of tall grass"

and it would look something like this:

a word on spelling bees

2011-09-29T15:09:00.000-06:00

there are some things you should know before your first spelling bee.

one, attire. ("attire: A-T-T-I-R-E. attire.") attire can make or break the event. too many would-bee-spellers think they can show up in their sneakers and polos. people, this is not a frivolous endeavor, to set out to correctly spell the lexical bricks of our every communication. to strut your orthographic merit, you must first show you can wear it. it, of course, being the accoutrements fitting for this mental station for which you aim by entering yourself in a spelling bee. this is, as one might say, the reverse of sweet katerina's speech:

Why are our bodies soft, and weak, and smooth
. . .
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
(Taming of the Shrew, V.ii.169-172)

in the case of the spelling bee, our external parts must be made to well agree with our internal parts, orthographical skills being chief, of course, among such.

some apparel you might consider:

sperry top-siders (for boys)
oxford shoes (for boys or girls)
pleated skirts (for girls. scottish boys excepted.)
yellow- or navy-themed ensembles (see parenthetical note A)
tortoise-shell glasses (fake or prescription. only you will know the difference.)
a tie or a bow-tie (for the boys)
avoid overly gaudy jewelry (both sexes), as no self-respecting lexical aesthete will take seriously a person draped in, as they say, "bling."

parenthetical note A: color-themed ensembles can be a precarious arena through which to navigate. if your escort is using the same color scheme, you may consider each appropriating slightly different tinctures so as to increase the monochromatic range (and therefore interest) of the ensemble's ultimate delivery.

now when you find yourself onstage, microphone in hand, beckon the etymological powers of the universe to you. listen to them. take your time. use your stopwatch if you need to, but take every blessed second. because sometimes the idea that perhaps "klomp" is spelled with a "k" instead of a "c" won't come to you until second 57. that 57th second might mean the difference between a shameful walk off stage and that coveted trophy.

cheer for fellow spellers when they forget the first "u" in "chauffeur."

always doubt the moderator's ability to pronounce words correctly. he or she might mistake "raucous" for "ruckus", or "piquancy" for "pickansee" (which isn't even a word), so be sure to ask for a definition and the part of speech where appropriate.

and most important of all, when you're sitting there on stage, front and center, spell-write every word the moderator gives your opponents on the palm of your hand with the forefinger of your other. do this with an air of unparalleled intensity. your competition will get a little more fidgety as you knowingly nod to yourself, "yes, i DO know how to spell 'autobahn' despite it being a different language."

sweet parie!, my favorite day of all

2011-09-28T16:07:00.001-06:00

i hear this song and i am carried to paris, rue du renard, the city rainy and sparkling,
and floating through the mirror sidewalks
to an art museum
and a man behind a crepe stove
to a bubble man
and a bicycle crowd
and shimmering my way through the three-fourths melody
sweet like the streets
and the crepes,
papillon,
winding the melody
and this morning
and this day
into my dreams.

{saturday morning adventure}: crepes & cards

2011-09-26T20:03:00.000-06:00

any chance to dress up and we're happy.

and this saturday morning it was sailboat regatta attire

crepes sweet & savoury

and such such a beautiful morning for playing french card games

on a big quilt

under a bigger tree

with friends.

a book a day...

2011-09-26T18:07:00.000-06:00

a brief history of my weekend's literary mailbox delights:

friday: grace notes by brian doyle
saturday: TIME
monday: cabin fever by tom montgomery fate

and there is something so pregnant-with-promise in knowing i have three more books (and a lifetime of TIME magazines) on the way.

ah, the sweet joy of being an english major. litera(ri)ly the best weekend ever.

is this what we've come to?

2011-09-25T18:45:00.003-06:00

last night a boy asked me why i never text him.
he was rather upset by this fact.

he then said that he usually only asks girls on dates that text him.
to which i responded that i usually only text boys who have asked me on dates.

to which, of course, he said that he would take me on a date so i would finally text him.

which is such a beautifully horrid and backwards idea that my roommates and i laughed for an entire evening about it.

and here we are, twenty-first century, connecting personally so we can finally connect virtually.
which is all we really want, isn't it?
a little virtual connection?

oh for the days of formal courtship, letter-writing, and house-calls.

TIME, a love letter

2011-09-24T15:23:00.001-06:00

well it's official. i am a TIME magazine subscriber! i got my first installment last week, but i just couldn't know if it was a sure thing until the second came, and came it did! i squealed when i saw it at the mailbox (then immediately felt stupid), but then carried it with me to the library in case i have any down time...you know...in between writing my thesis and reading two books for class.

i like how skinny TIME is. it's so unintimidating, like, "hey you can read me in a week. you can read a page during breakfast, or as you wind down after school, or for a ten minute study break." and plus, TIME has pictures and graphics and color and cool fonts--all of which are more or less critical to my overall enjoyment of a piece of reading. this is most likely why i loved extremely loud and incredibly close so much. also, there's joel stein's column ("the awesome column", as it is called) which always gets a good chuckle out of me.

all in all, TIME, i think i shall keep, love, and faithfully read you.
i will not let the guilt of not having finished last week's edition get in the way of my childlike joy at finding a new one in the mail, nor will i restrain myself from reading the new one because of backlogged unread articles in last week's copy.
i will affectionately display you on my corner coffee table.
i will bring up your little tidbits of information at every appropriate conversational opportunity.
and when i budget my month's necessaries, the $3.99 i spend to have your sweet, sweet pages in my life will always be an expense i count myself lucky to pay.

because i mean really.
isn't it about
TIME?

(chuckle chuckle chuckle, partially out of entertainment at my own joke, and partially out of the glee associated with knowing i have a copy in my backpack at this very moment.)

morning wishes

2011-09-23T12:26:00.000-06:00

and so i think to myself, why can't my town have a little bakery on the corner that sells pan au chocolat and sfogliatelle?

(avignon, france)

particular joy & kindred spirits

2011-09-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

i think it a touching of two distant people when i am, say, looking at the next book i want to read on amazon:

MANHOOD FOR AMATEURS (by michael chabon)

and i take a look at the "customers who bought this item also bought" list and find:

BON IVER (bon iver)
HELPLESSNESS BLUES (fleet foxes)
CANON LITHIUM-ION BATTERY
ICE CUBE TRAY

i like knowing that people who read & love the same books i love also love the same music i love, the same photographic hobbies i love, and drinking water with ice in it. which i, also, happen to love.

so now i have a new technique for finding cool stuff: enter something i think is cool into amazon, then see what other people who bought that thing also bought.

trial run:
holga cameras? no, too kitschy in a hipster kind of way. (although i do love pretty much everything hipsters love.)

well how bout a tropical bromeliad garden??

perrrrfect. alright, here we go:

customers who bought this item also bought:
CERAMIC 1-INCH FLAT IRON
ALLI WEIGHT LOSS AID (CAPSULES)
A VISIT FROM THE GOON SQUAD (JENNIFER EGAN)

yep. there it is. i already have the 1-inch flat iron. taking weight loss pills scares me. but a visit from the goon squad? listen, any author who uses both the words "goon" and "squad" in not only the same sentence, but in the TITLE of her book has my attention. and for that, miss egan, i shall read your book.

oh and just for the record, i base most, nay all, of my book-buying decisions off the aesthetics of the cover. which is the second reason why i will be adding "goon squad" to my goodreads list.

WORD (the invention edition)

2011-09-19T23:16:00.001-06:00

in case you were wondering, today is the "all random thoughts make it onto blog!" day. my friend averill informed me today that all people who audition for the lindy hop team at byu make it. today's blog posts are kinda like that.

so annnnyways, i just told courtney (my tonight-library-buddy) that i am going to judge her from afar as i read her creative nonfiction essay.

great genre title, by the way. "let's try to make the genre a little more palatable by adding "creative," because seriously guys, NO ONE wants to read 'nonfiction'."

and also palatable is the word i am currently fixated with--think about it daily and such. delightful really.

i mean, what. a. lovely. it can describe so many things.

holy cow i AM all over the place.

so i'm telling courtney how i'm going to be judging her from afar whilst i read her palatable creative nonfiction essay. to which she replies, "yeahbut i'm sitting two feet away from you. that isn't really afar."

and then we invent the word aclose.

aclose: (adverb) at, from, or to a short distance.

use it in a convo tomorrow and i shall award you three "likes" on facebook.

hobbies like a grandma

2011-09-19T22:54:00.000-06:00

so recently i've picked up knitting. i know, i know, just one of my many hidden and grandma-like talents. i'm currently working on a mustard-colored scarf. (look out january! i'm coming with my mustard scarf and it is NOT gunna be pretty! (it being your fate, january, but most likely the scarf will not be pretty either.))

anyways, all i have to say about knitting can be said in two sentences:

it is a great excuse to watch episodes of "life" until you know everything about the planet.

as soon as i get this scarf finished and my knitting needles freed up, i'm going to town on THIS baby:

this moment in the hall of knitting wonder brought to you by (who else), the man of mystical sweaters, mr. bill cosby!

riddle me this

2011-09-19T12:14:00.000-06:00

last night i dreamt i fell asleep on a large and porous rock in an underwater cove. thirty tiny tiny snails attached themselves to my right thigh and started burrowing themselves into my skin. the only way to detach them was to get out of the water and wait for them to push their way back out. it hurt so badly, i screamed every time one would fall off my leg.

the temptation to just rub them all off was nearly more than i could bear.

when i woke up, i still had seven attached.

it took me several minutes laying there in the dark to get up the guts to rub my leg, afraid that maybe there really were snails and maybe they really would just burrow deeper if i tried to rub them off. those little scales, knots, growths, attached to my leg like they were part of me.

so, joseph, can i get a little interpretation?

gentleman

2011-09-19T09:34:00.000-06:00

1) early this morning, knowing i have an 8am class, a certain gentleman offered to take me to school. gentlemen make you feel like they're watching out for you. like they want to make your life easier for you.
2) later, i got off the elevator and walked to the hallway. a certain gentleman in front of me opened the door for himself, then waited for me to go through as well. when i said "thank you!" he said, "my pleasure." it made me feel like a lady worth holding doors open for. like i was doing him a favor for allowing him to hold the door for me. gentlemen make you feel like being a lady is beautiful and valuable.

dear justin vernon (letter 3),

2011-09-19T09:14:00.000-06:00

at 7:39 this morning, i received a phone call from mount clemens, michigan. it was an unrecognized number. i of course didn't answer, because it was 7:39 in the morning, and because it was an unrecognized number, and i figured if it was someone professional, they wouldn't want to hear my "just woke up what can i do for you?" voice, and if it was a friend, they would leave a message. and then i realized--oh my gosh YOU are from michigan. i dream about you calling to tell me you would like to make a soundtrack for my life. then, of course, i remembered you're actually from wisconsin, not michigan. all those central states. alas.

awaiting,
carolyn

saturday morning adventure: fly fishing

2011-09-18T01:37:00.000-06:00

the flirtatious tugs
perhaps just
the hook dragging the riverbottom rocks
the late summer glacier's final run down the mountain before a new snowcap
pull pull pull against the line

parabola-curved (whisk whisk)
mach's-number-straight (click click click)

one little baby
meant for catch
& release

queasy

2011-09-15T17:52:00.001-06:00

the last few days i’ve felt a little shaky inside, a little queasy. kinda like a watered-down version of how you feel when the person you’re in love with tells you it isn’t worth it to them anymore. which hasn’t happened to me in a while, by the way. thank goodness.

so i'm thinking, "why am i so queasy-uneasy?"

things that have made me feel especially queasy today:

thinking about how i don’t exercise enough
the elastic waist on this skirt
waking up questioning the state of my heart
reading 12 people’s very kind but very extensive comments on my personal essay
a brownie from Good Earth
the 21 tabs i currently have open in my internet browser of choice (which happens to be Google Chrome, if you’re wondering.)

things that make me gasp with happiness:

finding that my current favorite song that i’ve only been listening to on youtube because i’m cheap like that and very rarely buy music is already in my itunes from a free download! ka-ching! (in case you’re curious, youtube version here:

things that make me smile a little every time I see them:

this browser theme, which I get to see every time I open a new tab (which may or may not be a large contributor to my current endorsement of Google Chrome)

. . . . (mental pause) . . . .

things that make me smile a little every time i see them but that might be contributing to the queasy feeling:

i guess if i get happy every time i see the rainbow pony, then that might be lowering my resistance to opening new tabs—we’re talking Pavlov’s dog here—which increases the number of tabs. shoot. hoisted by my own petard.

won’t dinner group time just come already.

dear justin vernon (letter 2),

2011-09-15T10:14:00.001-06:00

you know how cat stevens did the whole album for "harold and maude"? and how arcade fire did the same for "where the wild things are"? well, justin vernon, here's the situation: i don't have a movie, but i do have this thing called a life. i submit that it would be better with an official soundtrack.
will you could you would you?
this is my official request.

in earnest,
carolyn

lightroom

2011-09-14T12:19:00.000-06:00

just bought lightroom, on the recommendation of mr. skoticus. so of course it's what i've been doing instead of reading nonfiction essays/writing my own nonfiction essays/doing yoga/cleaning my bedroom up/doing laundry/grading student papers/ blogging about europe/you get the picture.

and thus i present, my first photo edited in lightroom:

(trumpet noises.)

expect more forthcoming.

something i wish i was cool enough to write

2011-09-13T20:32:00.001-06:00

by dallas clayton

HOW TO MEET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS (FOOLPROOF)
Buy a falconer’s glove.
Approach the girl you like wearing the falconers glove.
Ask her “Excuse me, have you seen a falcon fly by here?”
Look up to the sky, hopeful/sad.
If she says “No,” look distraught and ask her if she wouldn’t mind helping you look for your falcon.
No human being would ever turn down an opportunity like this.
Use the time you spend together searching for the falcon to get to know her.
At the end of your search (10 minutes) you will probably need consoling re: the loss of your one true friend.
By this point her interest in you based on the fact that you were able to put so much love and time into the raising of a falcon will more than ensure a second date, and from there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to marriage.
Good luck!
*NOTE: If by chance a falcon does appear out of nowhere, simply say ” (falcon’s name) I’ve missed you so much! Don’t ever scare me like that again!” Then offer to take the girl to dinner for helping you find your lost falcon. Bonus: You just got a free falcon!

(note from Carolyn: Read this guy. Read his website. It will change the way you write and change the way you think about the things you see every day.)

dear professors of the english language,

2011-09-13T17:18:00.002-06:00

word on the street is that some of you read our blogs. "our" meaning the grad students. so here's what i have to say:

you have no idea what it does to a tired, theory-beaten, behind-schedule, enthusiastically curious but not so confident graduate student when you tell her with bright eyes and a sincere smile that you think her ideas will work well,

when you brush off her concerns about starting too late or being behind with a brush of your hand and an, "oh well," and then move on to more interesting topics like her ideas,

when you say that of all the grad students you'd like to work with, she'd be it,

when you say that her plans for the future sound marvelous and promising

(even though they don't necessarily entail a phd immediately),

when you say you also once had a love of photography.

i left your office with a bounce in my step and a new energy for this whole thesis/life thing.

song of the day: i can't make you love me {bon iver}

2011-09-12T18:43:00.000-06:00

"i can't make you love me" was written by mike reid when he heard about a guy who got drunk one night and shot up his ex-girlfriend's car. during the trial, the judge asked the guy if he'd learned anything--his response: "i learned that you can't make a woman love you if she don't."

something about that is really beautiful to me.

beautiful the way all breakups are.

terrible

beautiful.

sayonara summer (a party for friends)

2011-09-11T02:15:00.002-06:00

beating the leaves to their insistence on turning colors is very important.

like a boyfriend you don't want to say goodbye to,

you have to say goodbye

before he does.

get to the punch line before he

punches you in the kisser by saying goodbye.

and so we said goodbye to her,

to our beloved summer 2011--

for me it was london

paris

rome

alps

peach gelato

& tented markets
tea parties in kensington gardens

& roman & giacomo & cammell

& trains trains trains.

but most of all the bunting.

so i made a cake to celebrate that part,

and mindy and nate made Oreo balls the size of golfballs to celebrate the hail in the east

andrea brought peanuts for all her international flights

holly pudding

amy crisps

and desi a tray of symbol-inscribed brownies.

daniel made the switzerland bread braided like i braid my hair

and i'm pretty sure amanda brought peachies?

katie guacamole from her ranch's avocados

nathan's herbed olives (with pits!) from marseilles

carolann some provo peaches

(peaches that have my dinner group relocating monday dinner to allred orchards)

amber homemade bread from home with real apple butter

and mysterious seven layer bars that i'm not sure who brought but man were they delish.

(who am i forgetting?)

* * *

my favorite thing to watch at parties like this is how all my circles of friends end up knowing each other

how dinner group people

know london people

know ward people

know cousin people.

it's a small and lovelily comfortable world i live in,

a small and lovelily comfortable sphere.

thanks for the wall of letters to summer,

thanks for cheering when we cut the cake,

thanks for being the kinds of friends that at parties everyone comments on what cool friends i have.

sayonara summer,

we loved you so.

dinner group (the new chapter)

2011-09-07T23:58:00.003-06:00

well, that time has come. the day when i feel so guilty for being such a bad blogger and so desirous to become more consistent that i overcome the total lack of anything meaningful to write about and just start writing.

and the first topic to come to mind?
you guessed it:
dinner group.
the new chapter.

so dinner group is really important to me.
i've spent the last 3 years exploring various types of dinner groups:

there was the oversized group where there were more people than nights to cook, and every night felt like a new but old family that you loved. i remember hallie's panini sandwiches from that dinner group, and katherine's ripped-out living room floor.

then there was the summer dinner group, with not enough people to cook, but lots of fresh veggies, and lots of corn on the cob, and lots of canceled dinners because errybody was gone barbecuing or bicycling or camping or road-tripping or other such summery delights.

then there was the one that my roommate was in where one night she was fed a plate of french fries with pepperoni and gravy on top. sorry if anyone thinks this is an acceptable dinner-group dinner. it isn't! that's all i have to say about that one.

and there was of course the dinner group from last year, of only people who loved to cook. my oh my how we celebrated dinner everyday! ah. when i daydream, it is only and always about this dinner group. ran into tucktuck a few days ago on campus and it about made my life to get such a lovely blast from my dinner group past. i could go on. but i won't.

so in all these dinner group philanderings (not sure if i spelled or used that word correctally), i've learned a few things about dinner groups. i shall coach you:

1) you must hand-pick who is in your dinner group. must, must must. upon this thing there is no equivocating. the number one reason why dinner groups fail, why students have bad dinner group experiences, and why people between the ages of 18-25 get the flu is because of poor dinner-groupee choices. a few tips:

a) choose people who can and will actually show up to dinner. i would approximate that 72% of the joy of dinner group is in the company. cute boys are favorable (if you're a girl). cool girls are favorable (if you're a boy OR a girl. i mean cool girls are just favorable no matter what you are).
b) choose people that aren't going to make kraft mac&cheese every time their turn rolls around. don't get me wrong: i love me some good kraft mac&cheese (espesh the spiral kind). but for dinner group? no. no no no. once you've had lemon mushroom chicken or stuffed peppers or south american smoked rice pilaf, there is no going back to little caesar's five dollar pizzas and frozen burrito dinner groups. so choose wisely.
c) choose people you might actually want to be friends with in the future. because dinner group friendships are forever.

and now i have come to a screeching halt in what i have to say about dinner groups. which means i'll be thinking a lot about them (philosophically, of course) over the next 36 hours, and will most likely have something to add sooner of later.

but for now, know that i'm currently part of a hand-picked dinner group. tonight we had fajitas on corn tortillas (favorite.). and i can tell that we are gonna be friends.

*mundane detail that will someday probably be more important to me that any of this other nonsense: this week i have listened to nothing but bon iver's "towers" on my daily walks to and from campus. and last night when i was walking home from my class that gets out at 9:40pm (i know, right?!), i sang while i listened and didn't care one bit who was mocking me in their head for being the girl who ipod-sings to herself, i love the song THAT much.*

WORD.

2011-09-01T17:33:00.001-06:00

moxie: courage and determination

people i know with moxie:

canoodle: kiss and cuddle amorously

canoodlers canoodling in rome (what better place to canoodle?!):

autumn: and a happy september to you too!

2011-09-01T16:50:00.000-06:00

i love autumn for so many reasons.
it isn't here yet,
but looking through these pictures from last year makes me happy it's on its way.

i find a lot of delight in the last months of the year ending in 'ember'
like a fire dying
but a fire nonetheless

stoves and boiling water
cocoa you hold on to like a secret between your hands
mittens and scarves and thick knitted stockings

and cuddling
and hearths
and dinner parties with laughter warm in the rafters.

more pictures from last fall here

royal typewriter

2011-08-31T22:42:00.000-06:00

song of the day: "bella"

2011-08-25T01:15:00.001-06:00

There goes the girl

In the pretty skirt with the

Golden smile that made you feel new

Like when the marching band strolls the street

You know another years come too soon

So you took her hand and she gave a look that sent you to the moon

And there you spoke the words of a gentleman

Can I have this dance with you

Can I share this dance with you

Won't you come on home

I built us a flying machine

And we'll go where you want

and we'll sail the seven seas

I hope all is well in Daisy's dreams

There goes the girl

Yeah the pretty bird on the golden mile that made you feel real

She took withon to the stars

She don't make no big deal

There she sits with them big old fields of daisies and rusted mills

And when the sun it shines on her hair of gold

She's beautiful

Won't you come on home

I built us a flying machine

And well go where you want well sail the seven seas

I hope all is well in daisys dreams

in Daisy's dreams

{backpacking 3}: the cliffs of INSANITY!!!

2011-08-17T00:00:00.000-06:00

monday june 13, 2011

ahh, dreamy no?

...

okay i'm putting more because i can't resist those eyes like the sea after a storm.

moving along, day three was the bus tour to the cliffs of moher, more commonly known as the cliffs of insanity! from princess bride. we went with a group called barrett tours because the more popular paddywagon tours don't run on mondays (add that one to the list of things that went wrong in limerick). barrett tours = a guy and his wife (last name: barrett...who'da guessed) decide they've had enough living in england. so they move to ireland and buy a bus and start a tour company. i hope i marry someone who would at least occasionally entertain ideas of doing things like that. because what with my longing for an ice cream truck, i mean....

on account of the tour was lots of seeing beautiful sights and very few deep thoughts by carolyn, i think the most true-to-the-tour post would be to just let the pictures tell the story.

BUT FIRST. to get the full effect of the day on the cliffs, you must be listening to this song of the day. i sang/whistled/hummed/head-sang it allllll the live long lovely day.

(if her voice doesn't melt your heart, you have a rock heart.)

1. leamenagh castle (or the signs by the castle, which were cooler than the castle, promise.)

2. caherconnell stone fort (again, awesome view)

3. poulnabrone tomb...a burial site from 3800 b.c. (if this makes you think of lord of the rings, you get a free ice cream when i get my ice cream truck)

4. gus o'connors pub in doolin

5. the cliffs of moher

a sound of music moment on the cliffs ("...cuckoo! cuckoo!")

wait wait wait, what was that face, diana?

(and to think. it had only been three days at this point and already she was ready to shove me off a cliff.)

6. waiting for our bus to dublin...pretty diana.

we met a really cool guy (first real person met) at the bus station who lived in dublin and worked reviewing music for a newspaper. ginger hair and tan cords. a plaid shirt and quite the brogue. we talked music--told him about my love for mumford&sons, to which he rolled his eyes and said he's had about enough of them. the shock on my face elicited the following: "well, it's like beyonce. i mean, you guys hear her all the time, so her music isn't that different to you. that's how mumford & sons is for us." good point, ginger man. although i do love me some good beyonce every now and then.

boarded the bus, turned on my eva cassidy, and this is what is got...

and this is why eva cassidy is so important: because she's kind of buried way down deep inside, so when i hear her music, a flood of memories and feelings come back to me. warm feelings. feelings i'd imagined up as being tied to vistas similarly imagined. what "fields of gold" feels like. not just what it looks like, but what that must feel to be there. and something in there about a tender-hearted boy and golden summer evenings and falling in love that years and years ago i imagined. and here i was, riding through evening sun across these fields, remembering those dreams.

{backpacking 2}: a limerick for limerick

2011-08-13T17:17:00.001-06:00

june 12, 2011: limerick, ireland

dear man at the travelodge desk,

your hotel is not the best.

in fact it's the worst,

we feel very curst,

as all of our plans are now messed

up.

ahhh limerick. what a joke.

so we take the bus to limerick. and then we have to get a taxi because the hotel we reserved which said they were within walking distance of the bus station is NOT within walking distance of the bus station. and it's pooooouring rain. (and none of us have umbrellas. that goes without saying, as who in their right mind would bring one backpacking? okay plenty of people do, but we aren't those plenty.) we look for lunch because we've had none. everywhere's closed because it's sunday and because it's ireland (really there were a shocking amount of closed stores in ireland everyday).

so instead of eating we taxi to the travelodge...
which is a hotel...
which means internet and phones and food...

WRONG.
we check in....

CAROLYN: so we need to make a reservation for a bus tour to the coast tomorrow...the information pamphlet said you could do that for us?
MAN AT THE TRAVELODGE DESK: unfortunately i cannot, but you can use our internet or call them yourself.
CAROLYN: okay, how do i use the internet?
TRAVELODGE MAN: you open your laptop's wireless and it should come up.
CAROLYN:: i don't have a laptop. is there a computer room here?
TRAVELODGE MAN: unfortunately there is not, but we have that [archaic] computer [with only a trackpad and no chair] in our lobby that you can use.
CAROLYN: great, thanks.
TRAVELODGE MAN: oh! excuse me, unfortunately you have to pay.
CAROLYN:: how much?
TRAVELODGE MAN: a euro for 5 minutes
CAROLYN: [a stare that says "are you KIDDING me."]
TRAVELODGE MAN: [aggravating smile]
CAROLYN: well maybe i'll just call on the phone in the room. do you have the number?
TRAVELODGE MAN: unfortunately no. you can get it off the bus tour's website though. oh and unfortunately you have to pay to use the phone in your room.

of course, this entire conversation is going on over the two computers at the concierge desk, neither of which are occupied. (roll my eyes at man whilst we take the elevator up to our room.)

and it's pouring rain. which is kind of the worst part of all because it's only our second day traveling and we're all gungho to ... you know ... see sights and meet people and be in IRELAND! but there is nary a person out in the rain, and any sight we want to go see will require another taxi ride, which i'm guessing the concierge man A) cannot call for us and B) doesn't have the phone number for.

so instead we spent the sunday doing what we probably should have been doing in the first place: reading and writing in our journals and having discussions about happiness and where it comes from and what we can change in our lives to have the kind of happiness we chase.

oh and we played cards. (cards is one of the few things i'm incredibly competitive about. i mean, i guess i'm kind of competitive about some things, but not incredibly. cards, it's incredibly.)

and also i've got my blue suede shoes (literally, my tennies for the trip are blue and suede), and somehow that makes everything better, knowing i'm walking around ireland like this:

but WITH blue suede shoes. lovely. i mean, there really are no other words for it.

(sorry people of ireland.)

(ireland was the coldest of all the places we went...this is a sweater that someone left at our flat in london after moving out, so i knew i'd be okay throwing it away after ireland...backpacking is all about minimizing load and getting rid of stuff as you go. this one i ended up leaving in paris the first time through. at the hipotel. which they later thanked me for with bedbugs and disease-showers. but more on that later. i will say this about the sweater: maybe it's a ferocious color of blue, but wow was it fleecy and warm. i never wanted to take it off. plus i mean, it just got along so well with my yellow pants.)

dinner that night we walked to a pizza place (i know, kinda lame to be in ireland and not eating at pubs, but the travelodge was unfortunately in the middle of nowhere, and the pizza place was all we could get to sans taxi. the pizza was good, and we met some 17 year old boys who thought we were 40 so i mean, what more could you ask for out of dinner?)

the lesson learned today: guaranteed you will have some travel (and life) days that just flat out don't work the way you'd planned. you can't get the info you need or the reservations you need or the transportation you need. learn to cut your losses and just enjoy wherever you are!

bowl of oranges

2011-08-11T22:59:00.000-06:00

field notes from the day:

finished "the help" today. a full report coming tomorrow, once i see the movie. go get yourself a copy, though, because it is #1 on the new york times bestseller list for a reason.
went to a bright eyes concert tonight. it was pretty good but not that good.
i've taken to sleeping in my bathrobe. it's white and clean and made outta that ultra soft fuzzy stuff that makes you feel...well there really are no words adequate. warm and safe and perfectly happy to be exactly where you are. which, of course, is in that lovely bathrobe. it has thus far failed as a bathrobe because of said ultra soft fuzziness though: rather than soaking up water, it kinda just sticks. but oh man, as peejays?! it is deeeeelightful. (and yes, i have been looking for an excuse for the last two days to spell out the word peejays.)
was reminded by greatest cousin des about a song that bjork and thom yorke did called "i've seen it all." all the long drive home i wanted to listen to it. listened instead to "stanley climball," lifehouse's second album. an adequate stand-in.
pulled up to a house with the lights still on at midnight and a room full of sisters & mom. the moon's full or nearly so. oh had i a big field with a few tall trees to cast shadows in the full moon-light every night! that is one of my favorite places--big fields on full moons.

this is my childhood, and i am throwing it away.

2011-08-10T14:55:00.000-06:00

last night i found three old boxes tucked away in the recesses of our garage labeled "carolyn keepsake." let me explain the keepsake phenomenon in my house. we are all hopelessly sentimental. i still have my baby blanket for instance. and all my corsages from high school dances (what the? threw those out last night. well, all except one. the sentimental won out on that one). and i still have the first thing i ever crocheted. i think it was supposed to be a scarf. it's more like two feet of skeewompus rows of bright green yarn. and yes, the scarf ended up skinnier than it started out. you get the picture. it all amounts to finding some real treasures and some real horrors every once and a while when i come across hidden "keepsake" boxes.

the boxes i found last night were from kindergarten through 6th grade, and mostly it was a bunch of school projects that for some reason were "just too special" for me to throw away at the time. you know, pilgrims with accordion-folded arms and legs,

santas with cottonball beards,

and the groundhog taped to a stick that i used as a puppet on groundhog day in first grade. that type of thing. don't worry. i threw most of it away. but so much of what i threw away was just too good to not take a picture of. and thus i present: a walk through carolyn's childhood.

going through seven years of your life like that, as manifest in school projects, you start to notice interesting patterns.

in kindergarten i was all about rainbows. proof: rainbow leprechaun, silver glitter and all:

i found a way to incorporate rainbows into every project i did.
i guess when you're looking at the world through rainbow-colored glasses, you can't help it.

yeeeeah. you better believe that is me. and yes those are rainbow rims on my glasses.

also in the kindergarten box there were a shocking amount of cards and notes from a boy named ben. ??? they all said the same thing: to: carolyn, from: ben. (that was the extent of our kindergartenly card-making ability, apparently.)

first grade i found a lot of things made out of hearts. maybe my teacher was obsessed, i don't remember. but i am pretty sure i've had nightmares about this little guy.

i mean...what is it?

it was apparently also in 1st grade when i first tried my hand at great art. matisse, you've got nothing on me.

and a goya-inspired mask perhaps?

(a note on this--in the sixthgrade box, i found a sculpture project we did, in which i have notes about michelangelo's pieta. to think that i got to see it just a few weeks ago!)

looks like the brightred fingernails also started around then.

and mr. popper's penguin! this is the best little treasure of all i found. in first grade we read "mr. popper's penguins" and "little penguin's tale", both of which are exceptional stories. especially if you're into penguins. i mean. what more could a six year old ask for than to make penguins out of an empty milk gallon, papier-mache and those rolly-beady eyes? nothing! the answer is nothing.

finally, the upper elementary years...paw prints and watermelons on everything. so, so glad i grew out of that phase.

so there you have it. my childhood. what a lovely one it was.

(if any of you would like me to host penguin making parties at your next get-together, i would be happy to oblige. i charge two Book-It stickers per event.)

summer days are gone too soon...

2011-08-08T22:44:00.001-06:00

rope swings...

the lake...

kayaks...

sisters...

splash parks...

sno-cones...

and sunglasses:

(props to lil sister grace for taking this picture...love that i can see her reflection in the shades)

and while we're on words that start with S, i have been listening to "shenandoah" by tyler james nonstop. well well worth the 99 cents on itunes...just sayin. it'll add a little meaning to your music.

{backpacking 1}: just a bunch of blarney

2011-08-08T22:12:00.002-06:00

prologue: because i did not take this lovely little macbook with me whilst backpacking and i was not about to waste precious europe time uploading & editing pictures, i was unable to blog for those beautiful six weeks. however. i am BACK. and that means catch-up (or ketchup, if you're into heinz), loads of pictures, and enough reminiscing to keep me happy till the next time i find myself eating a crepe in front of notre dame or listening to opera on the spanish steps. enjoi!

(and a tip for travelers: TAKE THE LAPTOP. or at least an ipod touch. free wifi is available everywhere, and boy would i have preferred typing my thoughts each night to the slow slow process of handwriting them. we didn't have a single problem with pickpockets, and having a laptop wouldn't have added too much to the backpack load. i'd have ditched two of my four skirts and two of my five shirts to have a fast way to keep notes. just something to consider.)

(and in the off chance that jordan crook ever reads this blog, i say again: my macbook will take down your pc any and every day.)

june 11, 2011: Cork, Ireland

after spending a somewhat harried and rainy day in London, Diana, Holly and I boarded that RyanAir flight to the lovely island of Ireland. ryanair, what a NIGHTMARE. their prices are unbeatable, which probably explains why so many people fly with them, but you can only take a very very very small carryon. so imagine us, with our backpacking packs, trying to board the plane without the attendants seeing our backpacks. it involved rather extensive contorsions, bodyblocks, and teamwork to keep our fronts facing the attendants while we handed them our boarding passes and graciously thanked them (turning around, of course, to keep them from seeing the size of our packs as we passed by them to get on the plane). phew! thought we weren't going to make it. (saying goodbye to london that day was hard...i rode with amber to the airport to pick up diana, and about cried the whole way. such a special place now to me. and such special friendships.)

we get into cork, and a lovely taxi cab driver takes us to our hostel (sheila's hostel--one of the best we stayed at!). he gave us all kinds of warnings about "do NOT go down to that side of the river. it's dangerous at night, and there is no reason for you girls to go down there." later we decided that must be where all the restaurants are that stay open after 9pm...because come night, we could not find a single place to eat!

good thing we grabbed lunch at the market first...a little honey lime chinese food tastes so good when all you've had all day is cadbury chocolate and airplane peanuts.

well first things first: get ourselves to blarney castle. blarney was a favorite. definitely the highlight of ireland. it is magical. (and yes, magical is to be said whimsically and kinda breathy. because i'm telling you, the place will enchant the living daylights out of you. but i'm getting ahead of myself.)

ahem. in case you don't know what blarney is, a definition, provided by monsignor fulton sheen:

"baloney is flattery laid on with a trowel. blarney is flattery laid on with the lips; that is why you have to kiss the stone to get it."

so the legend goes something like this: Cormac MacCarthy (not to be confused with this literary genius of the same name) built Blarney Castle 600 years ago. to help him get out of some hairy lawsuit in which he was involved, the goddess Cliodhna told him to kiss the first stone he saw the next morning. wouldn't you know, it was the blarney stone. he pled his case with eloquence and won (yes i stole that sentence from wikipedia), and then he took the stone and built it into his castle. so the blarney--the "legendary stone of eloquence"-- gives you the gift of gab...the gift to operate in that very fine area between flattery and lies. the gift to bend and wind and weave words without breaking truths. the gift to never be short of conversation. (and if any of you have ever been on a blind, first, or last date with me, you know this is def something i need.)

but before you get to kiss the stone, you must first climb the castle!

a little word from the bard donal na tuile (1696) on the joys of the castle:

"they were a people accustomed to bestow wines, and tender beef and holiday dresses! they were graceful and beneficent; their strongholds were filled with beautiful women, and quick-slaying cavalry viewing them; mirth, playing on harps, poems and songs were at their feasts; their women were prolific, and accomplished; silken, chaste, white were their slender bodies, and sedate the eyes of their maidens! hilarity was at their festivals! loud sounded the song of the bards."

the view of ireland from the top of the castle:

kissing the blarney--there was the delightful man perched atop the castle, whistling to himself some old irish tune, lowering people over the edge of the castle to kiss the blarney stone...which is a good four feet down the wall, so you have to lower yourself very carefully or else CERTAIN DEATH:

the view of us from the top after kissing the blarney stone. you are looking at three recently gab-endowed ladies:

so you get done with the castle and, lo!, they have a poison garden!

the best was the cannabis which came with the following apology stapled to the signpost:

"we apologize for the absence of the plant in this cage. it has been seized by the irish police. we hope to plant a replacement in spring 2011 once the licensing issue has been resolved."

awesome.

and then "the rock close", the grounds around the castle:

oh sweet rock close, an area of fairy enchantment and ancient druid mystery! this was probably the most magical place visited this summer. the landscape is "so exquisitely beautiful that no just idea of its influence over the feelings can be conveyed by the tameness of prosaic description." (that's from a plaque in the forest. a plaque! if that kind of beauty appears on a plaque then you can only imagine what the actual land is like.)

a little taste:

it's no wonder old willy shakespeare's midsummer night's dream is so magical--two hours in a forest like this and you can't help but imagine fairies and enchantments in every shimmer of light.

the forest was

twisty trees

with all of life's secrets in their branches

grown old with climbing.

foxglove for good measure,

and a tire swing to really seal the magic of the evening.

looking back at these pictures now it's so funny to me how we had no idea the adventures awaiting the two of us. the people we would meet, the wonders we would see, the things we'd learn about ourselves...

and who's to say that maybe the adventures were exactly because we started them all at the rock close, making wishes on the wishing steps and protecting ourselves in the druid circles and otherwise entirely bathing ourselves through to the bone in the long light that turned everything golden and hopeful,

like eva cassidy's "fields of gold."

this is the river that leads to the castle, and beyond, fields and fields turned golden green with the evening. the picture can't capture the feeling. it was out of a dream. it was eva's sweet sweet voice embodied.

the evening at blarney was perfect. we sat in the park and enjoyed the greenness of ireland, the quaintness of the village, and one of those moments of perfect calm when you couldn't be more content than you are at that moment,

then back on the bus to lovely old cork, where the sun didn't set till 10 pm...

which may have contributed to our confusion as to why all the restaurants were closed when it was still light outside.

but have no fear, i found me and my sore throat some hot chocolate that saved the day. imagine that. heroic hot chocolate.

slept like a baby, happy happy happy.

what she saw {london london}

2011-08-04T18:16:00.003-06:00

i just got the pictures back from my herco box camera. i am thrilled with how they turned out--it's always fun getting the pictures back because you never really know how they're going to work. she (my little film camera, that is) has a way of reinventing the picture into something way cooler than i expected looking through the 1cm square viewfinder. the greatest is when sometimes i forget to wind the film inbetween pictures so they're double-exposed, kind of like when two stories overlap in your dreams and you end up dating darth vader, or eating bumblebee popsicles, similar things.

as it so happens, none of these are double exposed, and all of them are sweet little memories from the lovely london.

thank you herco.

the ivy-ed archway at kensington gardens

the orangery for tea. the cake table, right when you walked in, each cake platter a promise of good things to come:

the london eye:

big ben (sigh):

miss amanda feeding swans at the round pond

the view over edinburgh from arthur's seat at sunrise (sneaky edinburgh, always popping up in places entitled "london london." tsk tsk.)

and portobello road, portobello road:

a summer dinner party

2011-07-30T15:33:00.001-06:00

{the menu}

garlic baguette & pesto

caprese (with real mozzarella and basil!)

pizzas pizzas pizzas

caesar salad

lemon gelato

{the ambiance}

daisies from rosie's garden

tables in the grotto

hanging lights

dean martin & caruso on vinyl

{the dinner party}

mom & dad

sisters

grandma (we're so glad she's here!)

"random neighbor boy" who sister invited (wink wink)

fear of the blog

2011-07-29T01:33:00.000-06:00

it's true, i have been putting off writing for a little while. i mean, i wake up every morning with all these best intentions to write about europe and about being home and to finally upload/download (i never know which) pictures of the last 2 months...heck, even just the last 2 days would be fun enough. but then i get busy catching rollypollies and making rainbow-pop-bead necklaces with melissa, and chasing ice cream trucks with rosie, and reading books, and making crepes, and digging my bedroom out of the 3 months of luggage and europe under which i have buried it.

so suffice it to say the following:
1) i have been brushing my teeth with sparkle fun toothpaste for the last week because i forget/am too lazy to go get a tube of real toothpaste from upstairs. it's pathetic. i know. but every time i use it, i think of this toothpaste from my childhood (picture up/download alert! (hey up/down, sorta like that book "up the down staircase" which i have never read but see every time i bookshop at d.i. yes bookshop like the noun, but used like a verb. yes it's 12:36 at night and my mind's going a little berserk.))

does anyone else remember this stuff? some truly genius person invented a STAR-SHAPED OPENING in the toothpaste tube. this means that all that bubble-fun goodness came out as a STAAARRRR on your toothbrush. i need to find me some of this.

2) in only 4 days, i managed to get back on my awful (and perhaps awe-ful, as watching it in action is a sight to behold) sleeping pattern. late bedtime, late risetime. those 4 days when i went to sleep at 10 and got up at 7 were really lovely though...so lovely, in fact, that i am making that.....

(trumpet noises please)

my 30 day challenge!! (i hope the UFC announcer voice with which i said that in my head came through to yours whilst you read it.)

3) three 30 day challenges (silence ye nay-sayers that think i should start with only one!) :
A) drink 64 ounces of water every day.
B) go to bed at 10 pm every day that i am home at 10 pm (clearly the clause here allows for dates, late-night ice cream truck runs, getting lost in the woods, and so forth),
and C) ...i think i need a new number for this one:

4) (deep intake of air) drive the speed limit and let other people pass me. pass me occasionally. (swift outtake of air (outtake? outlet? release?)...scratch that: large sigh.) i know, i know. this isn't really my "thing". but i haven't driven for three months, so what better time to break an old habit and start a new one. i suppose.

5) been listening to pretty much only justin vernon since i got home. his new album, ooohh boy. prepare yourself. it really is the kind that unfolds around you, more and more every time you listen, until you find yourself living inside the songs. an odd feeling. but it's bon iver. (quick lesson in bon iver: it's pronounced "bone eve-AIR." NOT "bahn EYE-ver." i've just been to france so i feel justified in that little rant.)

6) and tonight, after watching "the great debaters" (excellent movie--make it the next one you watch), my grandma got to telling us stories about my dad and what an exceptional person he is. these were stories i hadn't heard before. these were of course followed by a discussion of death and the swiftness of life (MEMENTO MORI! (to be said ghostly, obviously)). so now i'm panicking a little bit as i look back on my life. i mean seriously, what have i been doing all these 25 years?! somedays, i swear. i need to get with the program. this translates tonight into mini mental pep talks about how next year i need to be a better grad student. you know, days in the library, not eating anything, buried in books. probably wearing argyle and sweater vests everywhere i go. ha. oh and my hipster fake glasses. (please notice i did not say fake hipster glasses. they are real hipster, but fake glasses. again, it's late.) now, though, lest i pass up a good opportunity to actually share something of significance, i must say this regarding the swiftness of life: every time i think about distance and velocity and things like that when it comes to accolades and accomplishments in life, i think about this scripture (mosiah 3:19--book of mormon), which reminds me that what is most important are things like humility and patience and love. that's where my focus should really be. (and then i really need to get with the program. ha.)

7) and funny line of the night: my dad thought the book "the secret life of bees" was entitled "the secret life of peas." i am now in the grassroots stages of writing said novel. prepare yourself world. it's gunna be big.

guess who's back...back again...

2011-07-23T22:40:00.001-06:00

after many many weeks of backpacks and countries and journals and trains and pictures and art museums and lovelily-dressed europeans and nutella crepes, i am back. back to home. as soon as i got in on wednesday, my family and i drove down to the ranch and did things like play in waterholes and hike canyons and eat watermelon and smear mud all over our bodies.

sandy toes and cardgames, marshmallowy fingers and drive-ins, and a night sky so full of stars you wouldn't believe it.

as for being home, my bromeliads have all finally died of neglect or old age. i am pretty sure this is a sign. of what though, i am not yet sure. stay posted.

a short for your thursday

2011-07-21T07:04:00.003-06:00

SUPER BOB by: Jon Drever by shootingpeople

dear justin vernon,

2011-07-04T11:52:00.000-06:00

you should know that next to hugging my parents and summer evenings with my sisters, you are what i am most excited to come home to.

pure, unadulterated love,
carolyn

on things too beautiful to talk about in words

2011-07-01T16:34:00.001-06:00

more forthcoming.

(these pictures are not mine. search pieta to find them.)

challenge:

2011-07-01T12:07:00.001-06:00

dear people of the world:

first, watch this (it's only 3 minutes. believe me, you have 3 minutes to spare.)

then write cool ideas of 30 day challenges. because i'm all about this idea and want to hear yours.

sincerely,
carolyn

ROME. By all means, Rome.

2011-06-29T18:32:00.001-06:00

after not showering for the better part of 5 days because we didn't have enough swiss francs,
after 14 trains, 4 countries, 3 buses, 4 languages and 1 dialect, and 2 gondola rides in those 5 days (not to mention the shady train we had to sleep on on monday night),
and after the last two travel days not really going what i would call "smoothly",

we arrive in rome.

or roma, which is so much a more beautiful way to say it.

we find our hostel, scratch that: bed and breakfast. if i didn't know that joe bradley's apartment is on via margutta (51), then i would think this is the very place princess anna spent her "so happy" sleep.

our room has wooden shutters that open out on the street and long white lace drapes,

&freeinternet&freeshowers&freepainauchocolat every morning,

and those big white towels that go down to your knees and wrap twice around you.
(plus, the toilet seat is a collage of penguins in the arctic, which, let's be honest, adds a new level of elegance to any bathroom.)

so with a fresh heart and a smile, i bounced down to the laundrette to do some laundry,
and then of course slid down an entire flight of marble stairs.
(thanks for that rome.)

but today i had four gelatos, one of which was nutella variegato (7 parts nutella, 1 part gelato). it almost made me cry. and then we walked into the piazza spagna where the spanish steps are and there were four opera singers giving a free concert for hundreds of people on the steps, and they were singing my favorite opera song, and that really did make me cry. i'm learning what it means to enjoy life. i am learning what is most important to me. i am learning more about who i am. and eating rome out of their gelato in the meantime. it's been a lovely day.

but paris will always be my hometown

2011-06-16T03:05:00.000-06:00

here i q, in pqris; going to cqfes; eqting too nqny crepes zith too ,uch nutellq qnd otherzise enjoying every ,inute of this lovely lovely city:

oh, you couldn't read that, you say? maybe that's because the keyboards here in the city of lights are all crazy!

what to say in the few minutes left--
paris has truly beautiful nutella crepes.
they melt a part of your soul.

the eiffel tower really is as magical as you think it would be
especially because its flanked on all sides by carousels and ice cream trucks,
which just happen to be two of my favorite things.
(were you built for me, sweet paris?)

and sitting in front of notre dame every evening
in the sweet parisian air
and boys playing guitar and singing in french

ooo la la. enchante, sweet paris.

"i feel terrible. i'm going to go back to bed." {europe day 1}

2011-06-11T15:57:00.000-06:00

a short list of highlights:
1) today i am sick. sick sick sick. (see faye in that thing you do to get a picture of the kind of sick i am. speaking of which, thanks for showing the world how to be a classy sick lady, faye!) so i've gone through one small box of kleenex and 4 dayquils and one hot chocolate mmmmmmmmm.
2) when we checked into our hostel in cork this afternoon, guess what song was playing. careless whisper by george michael. that's right. this bodes well for our journey, as that song has been following me around everywhere else i go. nate showed me the sexy sax man video at the end of april (youtube it. sexy sax man.), then we watched it again and again one night in the flat in london, then we used it as entry music in our skit in class, then the saxophone man ont he bridge played it when we were out by big ben. and now the hostel. i'm telling you. it is a sign from the heavens.
3) today i wore a bright blue sweatshirt with "FLORIDA" in bright orange letters across the front of it with yellow pants. i looked like a freakin billboard for the stereotypical american tourist. i wanted to apologize to people for my outfit. but then i decided, you know what, i'm SICK. i'm taking a sick day, world. thank you.
4) i found some really comfy tennies at the shoe store yesterday (that makes the third time i went there to find shoes. embarrassing), and all day it was as if they were whispering sweet nothings to my feet. i love you lil tennies.
5) went to blarney castle and kissed the blarney stone, which was awesome but not as awesome as the fairy-enchanted forest behind the castle! people! go to blarney! i not only got the gift of eloquence (via the blarney stone), but it is also the stone of destiny AND i got to make a wishing whilst walking up and down the blarney witch's wishing steps backwards! (the blarney witch steals wood from the forest every night, and in return, must grant all their visitors their wish when you think about it nonstop while walking up and down the stairs backwards. it's going to come true in a year. the nice man in the sweater and cap told me we can count on it!)
6) speaking of nice men, the man who lowered us over the edge to kiss the blarney stone whistled irish tunes while sitting perched atop the castle. delight.
7) did i already mention the exteremly good hot chocolate that kept my hands and innards warm all the long walk home back to our hostel? because it was extremely good.
8) the frames played a concert tonight in the same little city i'm staying! i found out about it too late, but just knowing we're close is a sweet thought. if you don't know the frames, look up "falling slowly" by glen hansard.
9) and best of all, we got through the airlines without any problems. our bags were deffffinitely oversized, but thanks to some very strategic planning, we were able to keep our frontsides to the security guards the whole time so they couldn't see just how big our packs were. (which, for the record, i fit everything i need for the next X amount of weeks in a school backpack. i win!)

pictures later. maybe. i have no way of uploading them at present. but you better believe i'm taking them.

goodnight, sweet london. or, in other words, this is not the end.

2011-06-10T07:05:00.001-06:00

somehow the last words always take so long to write.

so while i process this beautiful experience i've had

and learn what words i want to say,

here is our last night at big ben.

big ben with best friends.

awwww.

and this morning it rained and rained. yes, she is sad we are leaving her too.

don't cry, pretty city. i'll be back real soon.

right as soon as i've met the rest of europe.

another night, another reason to go to big ben

2011-06-07T19:03:00.001-06:00

why is it that lately all i care about is how often i can get myself next to this clock?

want to see something cool i just noticed? if you look careful amidst the two wraps of my scarf, you can see one little bird. that is sweet. sweet in the tender way, not the surfer way.

tonight we told secrets.
i will share mine
because they are mine
to share.

1. until last summer i did not know how to cartwheel.
2. i have never been able to rollerblade. not actually sure if i've ever tried.
3. aaaaand i've never been skiing.

round two:
4. i have world-class stalking skillz. not in the sense that i stalk people on the streets, but in the CIA sense. give me two facts about a person and i can find them for you. (welcome to the interconnected world we live in huh.) but seriously. once i found a boy on facebook knowing only that he served a mission in thailand. not even his name. found it though. that was kind of awesome.

when ben struck 11
(this was before the secret-
telling)
i told
preston & amberly
(but mostly preston because he wouldn't stop
talking)
to shhhhh
so we could hear all 11
bangarangs of that big ben.

we stood close
because the wind off the river
was cold
(this was before the secret-
telling)
(but after the
bangaranging)

and then i imagined myself
thousands of miles away
at utah-home
remembering london
and coming back
coming back to this
perfect moment }
beneath big ben
above the whispering thames
holding the night in my imagination
printing and printing big ben's green lights and spikes
into my mind

and the way the stone is yellow against the navy night

the way it carries me away

so i can feel it then
thousands of miles away
when this clock
i love so much
has become only a wispy
memory.

to the irony of songs in your head

2011-06-06T18:23:00.002-06:00

song [in the head] of the day: "lost in my mind" by the head and the heart. give it a listen.

today was rather productive. "rather" because i'm in england and they use words like such as, and "productive" because i shopped myself ready for the adventure that is soon to ensue.

originally i planned to backpack without makeup, without a care to my hair (braid everyday), and with a few plain white v-neck tees. if i'm going to do this thing with one school-sized backpack, i'm going to have to cut back.

and then i found CUP OF JO's pages on cute and low-maintenance hairstyles.

PAUSE: i was listening to noah and the whale, and then someone in the room put on different music louder and suddenly i can't concentrate. huh. maybe my writing-self knows what music it needs.......until then, i shall write like a windup monkey doll.

anyways, CUP OF JO has lovely hairstyles. and thus i decided that my hair might as well be cute whilst backpacking.

and that's how it started.

"it" being the sudden succession of thoughts relating to the fact that i am going to be at the eiffel tower and at cafes in rome and watching bullfights, and for goodness sake, if a girl's going to do europe, she probably should...you know, wear skirts and red lipstick everyday.

so we have that to look forward to for the next few weeks. (smile of ladylike satisfaction)

plus, skirts are way more comfy than shorts.

so, back to today being rather productive: i found myself some red lipstick and wore it all day and count it the best purchase i've made here. (i also bought a flash drive & bandaids & earplugs & walking shoes & socks & a bar of soap today.)

now the real story: riding the tube back from said productive-day, i was so busy singing "lost in my mind" in my head and thinking about all the ways i shall do my hair and wear my red lipstick while walking through the tuileries that i missed my tube stop. completely and totally missed it, i was so lost in my mind singing "lost in my mind" in my mind. yes. moments like this happen to me. i laughed a lot. then walked away quickly because there was a strange man with an umbrella who i thought might be following me. (he wasn't, but sometimes a little imagined danger is good for getting a mind drifting to things parisian to stick to the task at hand: namely, getting off the tube in the right places.)

in other news, tonight i went to "pygmalion" at garrick theatre with the program. starring rupert everett.

the best part of the production were these words, which i feel are rather apropos to aforementioned red lipstick:
I should never have known how ladies and gentlemen really behaved, if it hadn't been for Colonel Pickering. He always showed what he thought and felt about me as if I were something better than a common flower girl. You see, Mrs. Higgins, apart from the things one can pick up, the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a common flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me like a common flower girl, and always will. But I know that I shall always be a lady to Colonel Pickering, because he always treats me like a lady, and always will. (Eliza Doolittle)

and while we're on the topic of words of the day, here are a few more:

paraphrase of the day:

"dating isn't as much fun and games as it used to be cause we are playing for keeps. i used to be playing for fun and hoping it would turn into keeps. now I play for keeps and hope it gets fun."

(name withheld to protect the lives of the innocent)

song title of the day:

"every teardrop is a waterfall"

(coldplay's new single!)

leave it to coldplay to write a title like that.

lord of the rings quote of the day:

Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?

sam to frodo. this is what home feels like to me. lucky, i know.

and then tonight i went to westminster bridge again, to listen to the river.

birthday videotape

2011-06-04T17:42:00.002-06:00

waking up to balloons and birthday banners from my room to the hall to the bathroom and a breakfast of omelets (current fav), strawberries, chocolate muffins and orange juice, all brought about by andrea.

in a special breakfast nook.

there couldn't have been a more lovely way to start the day.

birthday suit

and then a trip to portobello

where i met bella.

bella who sells buttons

--1930's buttons--

followed by tea at the orangery...

and feeding the swans at kensington gardens.

peonies from amber

dinner at nandos (mango lime chicken and grilled corn on the cob? yes please.)

and an evening stroll through hyde park

followed by pizookie

today has been the most perfect day i've ever seen.